I spent Friday and Saturday in bed only getting up to take care of the dog or get something to eat. I still can't get over how exhasuted I am with doing nothing.
Today I made myself run an errand (needed more alcohol swabs) and pay the cable bill. It was all I could do to get in and out of KMart. I know from past experience that I have to push myself to do something, otherwise the "laying in bed" will be never ending.
The upper respiratory thing I had is still with me. Now I've lost my voice. It's funny, you don't realize you can't talk until you try to say something like "MOVE!" to the dog who just looks at you. He wonders what new game you're trying to play.
It's only 1:00 p.m. on Sunday and I'm done for the day. I think I'm headed back to bed. It's a beautiful day out there. Make sure you enjoy it.
Sunday, May 31, 2009
Thursday, May 28, 2009
Too much...
I tried to accomplish as much as possible yesterday while still under the influence of the steroids and before the pain kicked in. I was a little off in my timing.
In the morning, we took Mr. Whacko to Petsmart to get more dog food. We also needed another leash as he had bitten through his nice one. A friend who walked him for us while I was in the hospital inadvertently left it where he could reach it. BDHA bought him this squeaky toy in the shape of a beer bottle. It has an extremely annoying loud squeak.
We then took him to an area in Moon that has been cleared for an office park. There are streets and sidewalks but no buildings yet. We let him out to run and noticed before he did that there was a flock of Canada Geese out in one of the fields. If he had been a little closer by the time he noticed them, he might have been able to catch one. We have a 6' privacy fence in our backyard and he can jump high enough to look over it. I don't know what we would have done if he had managed to catch one.
We got home and I had just enough time to get ready for MFD's shower. BDHA dropped me off at the Sewickley library on his way to the airport. It was a really nice luncheon up in their community room. She received three place settings of the Fiestaware, the butter dish, salt & pepper shakers and matching placemats. I decided I was going to try and stump the reference librarian (MFD) and asked her which one was the salt shaker and which was the pepper shaker. One of the other librarians jumped in with the answer before MFD. Dang...I should know better than to ask a question in a room full of librarians. We took everything home and then left again for a few more errands.
I stopped at work because I needed to get my "computer" glasses off my desk, pick up the baseball tickets I won (BDHA was worried about those since they were playing the CUBS) and to say hello to my co-workers and thank them for the cards. While there I could feel all my energy just seeping away. Since we were almost at the craft store where we needed to get paper products for the shower, I decided to push on.
I don't know if I'll be able to describe this so that you can understand but remember those puppets on the end of a stick where you pushed a button and the puppet tightened up and was stiff? Then if you let the button go, the puppet would flop back down all loose? That's how I felt. It took all my energy to keep my button "pushed". I was afraid that if I lost any bit of concentration, I would fall down in a puddle and not be able to move.
MFD got me home and as I was getting out of the car, I noticed that my 7 yr old neighbor and her 6 yr old nephew (yes, nephew) were standing on their side porch. We share a driveway with two other houses. These houses were built before people had cars so there was no need for one. Once people started driving, they put them in where they could, so we share. I noticed that the boy had a spray bottle in his hands. As I turned my back to get my purse out of the car, I felt him hit me with the spray. I turned around and asked him if he had sprayed me and he said yes. Anela, the girl, said "Mrs. Gardner, did you already grow all your hair back?" I said no, this is a wig. And then, because I was feeling peevish, I said "Do you want to see something scary?" and pulled off my wig. The boy's mouth dropped open and he just stared. Anela has seen me without my wig so it didn't bother her. I was tired and cranky and hopefully it won't scar him for life... :)
I made it into the house, into bed and took an hour nap. I *had* to get up only because I needed to feed Mr. Whacko and check my blood sugar. The steroids make it go sky high and I have to work on keeping it under control.
I got up this morning for the same reasons. To let the dog out (who let the dogs out! Who!) and check my sugar. It's come down by over 200 points since yesterday morning. I decided to post while eating breakfast but I'm headed back to bed. I can feel my jaw and teeth starting to ache. Let the pains begin...
Oh...MFS came in some time last night from State College. He's returning my car and picking up his. I can't drive his. I call it the "Rumble Rocket". It sits about 1/2 foot off the ground. If I was ever able to get into it, I'd never be able to get out. It's a cherry red Grand Prix that RUMBLES... I'm looking forward to seeing him...once I wake up again and he's up.
Take care all...
In the morning, we took Mr. Whacko to Petsmart to get more dog food. We also needed another leash as he had bitten through his nice one. A friend who walked him for us while I was in the hospital inadvertently left it where he could reach it. BDHA bought him this squeaky toy in the shape of a beer bottle. It has an extremely annoying loud squeak.
We then took him to an area in Moon that has been cleared for an office park. There are streets and sidewalks but no buildings yet. We let him out to run and noticed before he did that there was a flock of Canada Geese out in one of the fields. If he had been a little closer by the time he noticed them, he might have been able to catch one. We have a 6' privacy fence in our backyard and he can jump high enough to look over it. I don't know what we would have done if he had managed to catch one.
We got home and I had just enough time to get ready for MFD's shower. BDHA dropped me off at the Sewickley library on his way to the airport. It was a really nice luncheon up in their community room. She received three place settings of the Fiestaware, the butter dish, salt & pepper shakers and matching placemats. I decided I was going to try and stump the reference librarian (MFD) and asked her which one was the salt shaker and which was the pepper shaker. One of the other librarians jumped in with the answer before MFD. Dang...I should know better than to ask a question in a room full of librarians. We took everything home and then left again for a few more errands.
I stopped at work because I needed to get my "computer" glasses off my desk, pick up the baseball tickets I won (BDHA was worried about those since they were playing the CUBS) and to say hello to my co-workers and thank them for the cards. While there I could feel all my energy just seeping away. Since we were almost at the craft store where we needed to get paper products for the shower, I decided to push on.
I don't know if I'll be able to describe this so that you can understand but remember those puppets on the end of a stick where you pushed a button and the puppet tightened up and was stiff? Then if you let the button go, the puppet would flop back down all loose? That's how I felt. It took all my energy to keep my button "pushed". I was afraid that if I lost any bit of concentration, I would fall down in a puddle and not be able to move.
MFD got me home and as I was getting out of the car, I noticed that my 7 yr old neighbor and her 6 yr old nephew (yes, nephew) were standing on their side porch. We share a driveway with two other houses. These houses were built before people had cars so there was no need for one. Once people started driving, they put them in where they could, so we share. I noticed that the boy had a spray bottle in his hands. As I turned my back to get my purse out of the car, I felt him hit me with the spray. I turned around and asked him if he had sprayed me and he said yes. Anela, the girl, said "Mrs. Gardner, did you already grow all your hair back?" I said no, this is a wig. And then, because I was feeling peevish, I said "Do you want to see something scary?" and pulled off my wig. The boy's mouth dropped open and he just stared. Anela has seen me without my wig so it didn't bother her. I was tired and cranky and hopefully it won't scar him for life... :)
I made it into the house, into bed and took an hour nap. I *had* to get up only because I needed to feed Mr. Whacko and check my blood sugar. The steroids make it go sky high and I have to work on keeping it under control.
I got up this morning for the same reasons. To let the dog out (who let the dogs out! Who!) and check my sugar. It's come down by over 200 points since yesterday morning. I decided to post while eating breakfast but I'm headed back to bed. I can feel my jaw and teeth starting to ache. Let the pains begin...
Oh...MFS came in some time last night from State College. He's returning my car and picking up his. I can't drive his. I call it the "Rumble Rocket". It sits about 1/2 foot off the ground. If I was ever able to get into it, I'd never be able to get out. It's a cherry red Grand Prix that RUMBLES... I'm looking forward to seeing him...once I wake up again and he's up.
Take care all...
Tuesday, May 26, 2009
Chemo # 7 down...one to go!
We had a successful chemo treatment today. Ask me starting on Thursday afternoon (and for the next 3 days after that) how I'm feeling. That's when the pain is scheduled to start.
Before they start the chemo drug, they give you a few other drugs. One is Benadryll. They tell you they're putting it in. It's to help make sure you don't have a reaction to the chemo drug. You have to take steroids to make sure you don't have a reaction to the Benadryll. Anyways, they tell you right before they shoot it in the IV. After a minute or so, it's like someone turned on your "I need a nap RIGHT NOW" light. Unfortunately, I also get restless leg syndrome and am usually unable to nap. Even with the warm blanket from their warming machine. I gotta get me one of those.
MFD and I have a bridal luncheon to attend tomorrow which is being thrown by her co-workers at the Sewickley Public Library.
My last chemo is to take place on June 15th. Keep your fingers crossed!
Before they start the chemo drug, they give you a few other drugs. One is Benadryll. They tell you they're putting it in. It's to help make sure you don't have a reaction to the chemo drug. You have to take steroids to make sure you don't have a reaction to the Benadryll. Anyways, they tell you right before they shoot it in the IV. After a minute or so, it's like someone turned on your "I need a nap RIGHT NOW" light. Unfortunately, I also get restless leg syndrome and am usually unable to nap. Even with the warm blanket from their warming machine. I gotta get me one of those.
MFD and I have a bridal luncheon to attend tomorrow which is being thrown by her co-workers at the Sewickley Public Library.
My last chemo is to take place on June 15th. Keep your fingers crossed!
Chemo # 7
Yesterday was the Coraopolis Memorial Day Parade. I took a picture of BDHA marching who was taking a picture of me at the same time! Is that allowed?!
I wasn't feeling well and almost didn't make it to the parade. MFD's fiance lives on the parade route and I sat on his front porch in the shade and watched the parade pass me by (pun intended). When it was over, I made it down to the VFW for dinner.
I was still having a fever when I took the first dose of steroids last night, in preparation for today. I should have taken a dose in the morning, but Dr. L said it wasn't necessary if it made it hard to sleep. I kept having night sweats and did only get about 3 hours of sleep. The good news is that this morning there was no fever. I feel pretty good and the cough I had isn't quite as deep. We may have a successful day!
I need to get going to breakfast as I have to be at Magee at 10:00 a.m. and it's now 8:30 a.m. I'll post later today to let you know how it went.
Sunday, May 24, 2009
Telling it like it is....
I received this card from my co-workers and I just had to share it here. I've never seen/read a card like this before. It says:
"I'll bet you've had about enough of people telling you how strong you are and how great you're doing during this awful difficult period in your life. Maybe you'd rather hear someone say how much this sucks, how outrageous and unfair it is.
Maybe you'd rather hear someone tell you that you don't have to be strong all the time. Or that it's definitely okay to curse fate and throw a tantrum or two.
So here I am to tell you all that stuff and more, to let you know where I stand which is right in your corner. There's no right way or wrong way at a time like this.
However you work through this thing is immaterial to me.
All I care about is that you ask for what you need, lean on those who love you and try to trust me when I say that you'll come out the other side."
This reminds me of a book I read when I first found out I had cancer. It's called "Five lessons I didn't learn from breast cancer (and One Big One I Did) by Shelley Lewis. If anyone wants to borrower my copy, please ask.
BDHA has an upper respiratory thingie that has turned into a cold. Unfortunately I have caught this from him. I've had a temp since yesterday and am hoping that it doesn't last long. I cannot go back into the hospital right now. I'm still relishing my prison break from the last time!
BDHA is going around to different cemeteries today for services for veterans. Tomorrow he marches in the Coraopolis Memorial Day Parade as the head of the VFW. Hopefully it won't be as hot as it has been the last two years.
I hope everyone has a wonderful holiday!
"I'll bet you've had about enough of people telling you how strong you are and how great you're doing during this awful difficult period in your life. Maybe you'd rather hear someone say how much this sucks, how outrageous and unfair it is.
Maybe you'd rather hear someone tell you that you don't have to be strong all the time. Or that it's definitely okay to curse fate and throw a tantrum or two.
So here I am to tell you all that stuff and more, to let you know where I stand which is right in your corner. There's no right way or wrong way at a time like this.
However you work through this thing is immaterial to me.
All I care about is that you ask for what you need, lean on those who love you and try to trust me when I say that you'll come out the other side."
This reminds me of a book I read when I first found out I had cancer. It's called "Five lessons I didn't learn from breast cancer (and One Big One I Did) by Shelley Lewis. If anyone wants to borrower my copy, please ask.
BDHA has an upper respiratory thingie that has turned into a cold. Unfortunately I have caught this from him. I've had a temp since yesterday and am hoping that it doesn't last long. I cannot go back into the hospital right now. I'm still relishing my prison break from the last time!
BDHA is going around to different cemeteries today for services for veterans. Tomorrow he marches in the Coraopolis Memorial Day Parade as the head of the VFW. Hopefully it won't be as hot as it has been the last two years.
I hope everyone has a wonderful holiday!
Thursday, May 21, 2009
Graduation and other happenings
I was released from the hospital on Monday, May 11th after I told them I wanted to go home. I didn't think that they could do any thing more for me in the hospital than I couldn't do for myself at home. I continued giving myself home antibiotic iv treatments until Tuesday, the 19th. The home care nurse came yesterday and removed the needle and tubing from my port. I was finally able to take a nice long, hot shower. I am now to say I am allergic to Vankomycin for future medical histories.
On Saturday, May 16th, MFS graduated from Penn State/ State College, PA with a degree in telecommunications. A few months ago I had asked him to sign up to "walk" and I ended up not being able to make it myself. I was still feeling queasy and getting sick from the iv treatments and didn't think that the 2.5 hour car ride up and then back would be good for me. MFD and BDHA drove up for the day to support him. He is staying in State College for the summer as he has two jobs working with local tv networks; one for the university and one for the surrounding county. He's also working as a cook at a bar to help bring in some extra income.
I saw Dr. L. (medical oncologist) on Monday, the 18th. We discussed whether this break from chemo, the last one being April 6th, hurt me or not. BDHA and I wondered if it was worth finishing the last two or just going for the surgery now. Dr. L. thought that it could only help so I'm scheduled for chemo #7 on Tuesday, May 26th and #8 on Monday, June 15th. This actually works out in the long run because now I won't be having the surgery until after MFD's wedding in July. I'll be able to travel to Vegas and not worry about complications.
I also spoke with Dr. Z (surgical oncologist) and we're trying to coordinate everyone's schedule to have the surgery the week after we get back from the wedding. I'm slated to see the plastic surgeon the first week in June. I also have a follow-up appointment with the kidney doctor that same week. I'll have a breast reduction done on the left side at the same time as the mastectomy on the right. Two doctors, two boobs, no waiting! I'll need radiation after and then at some point down the road (if I choose), reconstruction. Here's my chance to get 20 yr old perky boobs!
I hate to say it but getting sick actually worked out better for the wedding. Now I won't have to worry about feeling sick in Vegas since the surgery takes place after. The picnic reception is here in Pittsburgh on July 25th and it's only a 20-minute drive from home. If I start feeling poorly there, I can just have someone take me home. Much better than feeling sick some place that's a 4-hour flight away.
I made our hotel reservations today for the Luxor. We'll be there July 6th-July 10th. For the reception after the wedding, we're thinking about doing the MORE buffet at the Luxor. For $35, it's all you can eat along with domestic beer/wine. It's not formal, but hey, who said we were formal folks? This way everyone can choose what they want to eat.
MFS and I are going to take our chances and fly non-rev to Vegas. Before, because I thought I would be recovering, I wanted to buy tickets just to make sure we got there and didn't have to wait around. Now I'm feeling lucky....
I am off work on disability at least until June 1st. Depending on the doctor's appointments I have that week, it might not be until the week after that. MFD's shower is on June 6th and we need time to prepare for that too. If anyone is trying to find her name in the Target registry, she's listed as Meghan Gardner with the location being in Nevada. Do not pick the Meghan Gardner marrying Ryan Moore in PA. That's not her! The last two days have been spent in getting the wedding invitations ready to go out. We hope to get most of them in the mail today.
I finally feel like I'm back among the living. I was even in my studio yesterday thinking about working on mosaics. I haven't had an interest in that since last summer. I've been off Ativan and Zoloft since I was in the hospital and feel okay without them. I think those were contributing to the "fog".
Again, I want to thank everyone for all the thoughts, prayers, cards and flowers. I especially want to thank Maria and Lori at NL for letting me know it's okay to take time to get through this and that my job will be waiting for me when I'm ready to come back. I couldn't do it without your support. It's something to look foward to. I miss all you people!
Monday, May 11, 2009
Back in the hospital
I've been back in the hospital since 4/29. The home care nurse came and took blood a few times and it was determined that I had kidney failure. They told me to come back to the hospital and I've been here ever since.
After being here a day or so I came down with a fever. The highest it got was on 5/4 and it was 101.8. That was the one that broke it and I haven't had once since.
My roommate had a catheter and didn't like the smell so she kept spraying air freshener. I ended up waking up unable to breathe and had an asthma attack. I'm still on oxygen at night.
They determined that I am really anemic and gave me two iron treatments via iv plus an iron pill three times a day. They also gave me three units of blood. I'm A+ which I've always wondered about.
BDHA brought the laptop and I've been watching movies and trying to catch up with tv shows online that I have missed.
Today I am ready to get out. I've served my time. We'll see what the docs say.
After being here a day or so I came down with a fever. The highest it got was on 5/4 and it was 101.8. That was the one that broke it and I haven't had once since.
My roommate had a catheter and didn't like the smell so she kept spraying air freshener. I ended up waking up unable to breathe and had an asthma attack. I'm still on oxygen at night.
They determined that I am really anemic and gave me two iron treatments via iv plus an iron pill three times a day. They also gave me three units of blood. I'm A+ which I've always wondered about.
BDHA brought the laptop and I've been watching movies and trying to catch up with tv shows online that I have missed.
Today I am ready to get out. I've served my time. We'll see what the docs say.
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