Well, it's been awhile since I've posted. I've been busy, tired and busy being tired.
Tuesday night I looked at the tlc catalog that I picked up at the hospital on Monday. BDHA and I picked out a wig and I ordered it. It should be here by the middle of next week. Let's hope we did a good job on the first try. He helped me measure my head and with my hair the circumference was 1 inch LARGER than their large. Hopefully, without hair, it will fit perfectly. That's why I have such difficulties finding hats that fit and don't end up popping off my head.
I went in to work on Wednesday and didn't feel well at the beginning of the day but perked up around mid-afternoon. Christmas day went extremely well. BDHA made an awesome Christmas dinner (as he does every year). We had standing rib roast, yorkshire pudding, mashed potatoes and roasted asparagus. For dessert he made a blackberry pie from scratch (blackberries at Costco were $3.99!) and I made the triple pumpkin spice pie we had at Thanksgiving.
For Christmas, MFD gave me my favorite movie "Shirley Valentine" on DVD. I had been waiting for it to come out. It's an old movie and if you ever get a chance to watch it, I recommend it. However, it is a chick flick.
MFS took all of our old home movies (on beta, yes we still use beta) and transferred them to DVDs. We watched a few from MFD's first and second Christmas and MFS's first time in the jacuzzi at 5 months old.
BDHA gave me a hat that fits AND matches my winter coat! He did a good job. He also bought me a Citizen's Eco-drive watch with mother of pearl and tiny set diamonds. As Sally Fields once said "You like me, you really like me". Did you know that you cannot buy a woman's analog watch (one with hands) with an alarm? I have been searching for one for years. You can buy digital, but not analog. I did do a google search once and there were some out there that were over $1000. There are two possible reasons why this is so:
1. Women aren't important enough to have to be somewhere at a particular time.
2. We're so awesome we don't need some stinkin' watch to remind us.
I go with #2. It's a beautiful watch.
Oh! He also bought me the Radko Christmas plates (family members apparently made him feel guilty). He could only find the salad plates and bowls, a gravy boat and one big bowl. I did go to Tarjet last night and found they had the dinner plates in the stockroom. We both got them on sale so it wasn't so bad.
I bought BDHA something he had been talking about wanting to do for years. Uncle Joe's Scuba opened up in our town a little over a year ago and I bought him enough lessons to get him certified. He kept looking at the one's the YMCA offered but he could never fit it in with his flight schedule. He's already talking about places he'd like to dive once finished. I wanted this to be something that *I* gave him since he's been so supportive and helpful. I couldn't get through this without him. Now for the mushy part. We started dating when I was 15 and he was 17. The first time he kissed me, I said to myself "This is the man I'm going to marry". He never had a chance after that. We've been married 30 years and dated for 7 before that. He tells people "I've been married my entire life" (imagine whine mode). He *IS* the Best Damned Husband Alive. We've had our problems and I am thankful he stuck it through cause it's pretty damned good right now, considering.
I've been getting a little more tired each day but I'm still functioning. Today, Saturday, I went in to work for a few hours, but not as long as I had hoped. I came home, ate lunch and then slept from 2:30 p.m. to 5:00 p.m. Since the temp outside was around 70 degrees, I wanted to take Mr. Whacko out to one of the fields and let him run around. I never made it. Sorry Mr. Whacko. He's being very patient right now waiting for his dinner while I post. I normally feed him when I get home from work which is around 6:30 p.m. It's now 6:31 p.m. and he's sleeping. I should go feed him though they say "let sleeping dogs lie".
I hope you all had a happy Christmas.
Saturday, December 27, 2008
Tuesday, December 23, 2008
1st Chemo treatment
I did go into work last Friday and probably shouldn't have. I was still in a lot of pain and ended up with a stiff neck from looking at the computer all day. I felt much much better Saturday morning and went in for about 4 hours. We're extremely busy with the rates being so low.
The wounds were healing well, my problem was mostly with the bandaid on my neck and the tape around the dressing on the port. When I would change them, I had little water blisters under the tape that itched and burned like heck. After speaking with my mother, she had the same problem with adhesive tape before they invented plastic tape. There must be some ingredient that we're both allergic to.
I had my first chemo treatment yesterday. BDHA, MFD & MFS were all supposed to go. MFS ended up not going because he came down sick. The flu! Hopefully he'll be non-contagious by the time my immune system dumps. I did have a flu shot.
I was told that the procedure would take up to three hours so they were going to leave after the doctor saw me, do some Christmas shopping and then come back when I was done. I misunderstood the time frame. It was supposed to be three hours for the entire visit. The drip was only 1 hour. All BDHA and MFD had time to do was eat lunch and come back. We ended up being there for over 5 hours. Four of it waiting to get in to see the doctor and then waiting for a chair to open up. Since they couldn't schedule on Thursday, all of those people had to be spread out throughout the week. Plus most probably wanted it at the beginning of the week so that they would feel better by Christmas. Bet Friday is gonna be a real treat to work/wait there.
I saw Dr. R and Dr. L. They looked at my breast and I told them that the redness seemed to be going away on it's own. They both agreed. They still wanted a picture taken to compare even though it was now harder to see. Dr. L. told me to take the dressings off the wounds and leave them off if they were irritating me that badly. He watched me take them off and said they were fine. Yay! I was supposed to leave them on until Wednesday.
I saw the photographer next. He made me sign a disclaimer. I said "This is so you can post them on the internet, right?" His response was "U-tube here we come!"
What can I say..I've changed my mind about chemo. Disclaimer: This is being said at 7:43 a.m. the next day while I'm still under the influence of drugs. I was feeling queasy going in to see the doctor, mostly from nerves. They had me take the 125 mg pill of Emend (new anti-nausea drug that I had to pick up last week). Within 30 minutes, the queasiness was gone. The first solution they put into my iv was another anti-nausea drug. Then I took three pills (steroids) also used to combat nausea. I asked that they not use my port (go figure) because it was still pretty tender. They put it in my hand first try, no pain. The most painful part of the entire procedure was the first solution going in...I had a burning feeling going up my arm. The nurse told me it was from room temperature solution going into a warm body. She wrapped a hot towel around it and voila! all better.
The set-up at MWH is pretty nice. They have the nurse's station at one end and a wall of windows on the other end. There are halls leading between the nurse's station and the windows. There are two stations on each side of the walls. It was bright and sunny and relatively cheerful considering what we were all in there for. They had sandwiches and juice for the patients and at one point, a nurse came around with a box of chocolates offering one to patients and their visitors. MFD was in there for that so she had one. Each station has it's own private tv on a stand. Your chair is a recliner. My own private tv and recliner?! I don't even get that at home!
The nurse said for someone's whose veins are so hard to access, I had a really good flow. She had to actually slow the drip down because it was going in too fast. I felt pretty lucky after hearing some of the other patients talk about their treatments. Most were in there for hours and had to come in every week for three weeks and then a week off. Me, just once every three weeks for an hour. I can do this.
I also had a chance to look at all the different wigs women were wearing. I really liked the one woman's wig who was sitting directly across from me and the one kitty-corner to me. The one across from me was trying to sleep and not talking. The one kitty-corner was talking to everyone so I asked her where she got her's from. A place called "Karamoose" (how she said it, not sure how it's spelled) out near Monroeville. The nurse gave me a catalog from the American Cancer Society and I saw one in it that I liked. My hair is going to fall out sooner than I had expected; within 8-14 days. So now the search is on.
The nurse told me that I would have a lot of energy after the treatment (due to the steroids) and to not baby myself. Go out and do what I wanted. So on the way home, we stopped at Costco and picked up Christmas dinner, a standing rib roast. I also had to go to Kmart to get another anti-nausea prescription to take if needed. I still have two 80 mg pills of the Emend left. I take one this morning and one tomorrow morning.
Right now I feel great. I think I'll go eat breakfast, take my pill and see how the day progresses.
Yesterday was a good day.
Update on Dale: He's still in the hospital waiting for his digestive system to kick into gear. Once that happens, he can come home. Pray that he's home for Christmas.
The wounds were healing well, my problem was mostly with the bandaid on my neck and the tape around the dressing on the port. When I would change them, I had little water blisters under the tape that itched and burned like heck. After speaking with my mother, she had the same problem with adhesive tape before they invented plastic tape. There must be some ingredient that we're both allergic to.
I had my first chemo treatment yesterday. BDHA, MFD & MFS were all supposed to go. MFS ended up not going because he came down sick. The flu! Hopefully he'll be non-contagious by the time my immune system dumps. I did have a flu shot.
I was told that the procedure would take up to three hours so they were going to leave after the doctor saw me, do some Christmas shopping and then come back when I was done. I misunderstood the time frame. It was supposed to be three hours for the entire visit. The drip was only 1 hour. All BDHA and MFD had time to do was eat lunch and come back. We ended up being there for over 5 hours. Four of it waiting to get in to see the doctor and then waiting for a chair to open up. Since they couldn't schedule on Thursday, all of those people had to be spread out throughout the week. Plus most probably wanted it at the beginning of the week so that they would feel better by Christmas. Bet Friday is gonna be a real treat to work/wait there.
I saw Dr. R and Dr. L. They looked at my breast and I told them that the redness seemed to be going away on it's own. They both agreed. They still wanted a picture taken to compare even though it was now harder to see. Dr. L. told me to take the dressings off the wounds and leave them off if they were irritating me that badly. He watched me take them off and said they were fine. Yay! I was supposed to leave them on until Wednesday.
I saw the photographer next. He made me sign a disclaimer. I said "This is so you can post them on the internet, right?" His response was "U-tube here we come!"
What can I say..I've changed my mind about chemo. Disclaimer: This is being said at 7:43 a.m. the next day while I'm still under the influence of drugs. I was feeling queasy going in to see the doctor, mostly from nerves. They had me take the 125 mg pill of Emend (new anti-nausea drug that I had to pick up last week). Within 30 minutes, the queasiness was gone. The first solution they put into my iv was another anti-nausea drug. Then I took three pills (steroids) also used to combat nausea. I asked that they not use my port (go figure) because it was still pretty tender. They put it in my hand first try, no pain. The most painful part of the entire procedure was the first solution going in...I had a burning feeling going up my arm. The nurse told me it was from room temperature solution going into a warm body. She wrapped a hot towel around it and voila! all better.
The set-up at MWH is pretty nice. They have the nurse's station at one end and a wall of windows on the other end. There are halls leading between the nurse's station and the windows. There are two stations on each side of the walls. It was bright and sunny and relatively cheerful considering what we were all in there for. They had sandwiches and juice for the patients and at one point, a nurse came around with a box of chocolates offering one to patients and their visitors. MFD was in there for that so she had one. Each station has it's own private tv on a stand. Your chair is a recliner. My own private tv and recliner?! I don't even get that at home!
The nurse said for someone's whose veins are so hard to access, I had a really good flow. She had to actually slow the drip down because it was going in too fast. I felt pretty lucky after hearing some of the other patients talk about their treatments. Most were in there for hours and had to come in every week for three weeks and then a week off. Me, just once every three weeks for an hour. I can do this.
I also had a chance to look at all the different wigs women were wearing. I really liked the one woman's wig who was sitting directly across from me and the one kitty-corner to me. The one across from me was trying to sleep and not talking. The one kitty-corner was talking to everyone so I asked her where she got her's from. A place called "Karamoose" (how she said it, not sure how it's spelled) out near Monroeville. The nurse gave me a catalog from the American Cancer Society and I saw one in it that I liked. My hair is going to fall out sooner than I had expected; within 8-14 days. So now the search is on.
The nurse told me that I would have a lot of energy after the treatment (due to the steroids) and to not baby myself. Go out and do what I wanted. So on the way home, we stopped at Costco and picked up Christmas dinner, a standing rib roast. I also had to go to Kmart to get another anti-nausea prescription to take if needed. I still have two 80 mg pills of the Emend left. I take one this morning and one tomorrow morning.
Right now I feel great. I think I'll go eat breakfast, take my pill and see how the day progresses.
Yesterday was a good day.
Update on Dale: He's still in the hospital waiting for his digestive system to kick into gear. Once that happens, he can come home. Pray that he's home for Christmas.
Thursday, December 18, 2008
Dale
Please keep BDHA's brother, Dale, in your prayers. He was diagnosed over a year ago with colon cancer and just underwent a second operation yesterday to remove tumors from his liver. He tolerated the surgery well and they didn't have to take as much as his liver as they thought.
BDHA is flying to Chicago on Saturday to see him and will then fly back home Sunday so that he can take me to chemo on Monday. When it rains, it pours....
BDHA is flying to Chicago on Saturday to see him and will then fly back home Sunday so that he can take me to chemo on Monday. When it rains, it pours....
Port Placement
Well, the day started out okay.. I got up at 5:30 a.m., made breakfast and was back in bed by 6:15 a.m. I picked up BDHA around 11:30 a.m. at the Hilton downtown at the point and since it didn't take as long as I thought to get there, we took a trip to the south side to get a luggage strap for his flight bag. My appointment was at 12:45 and I was supposed to be there 15 minutes early. We were there in plenty of time. However, after sitting waiting until 1:00 p.m., we were told they were behind by about an hour. I didn't go into the back until around 2:30 p.m. and didn't go into the "operating room" until close to 3.
If I had known prior what the procedure actually entailed, I might not have gone through with it. The doctor told me he was going to puncture my jugular (OUCH) to put some wire in and then would make another incision in my chest where the port was to be placed. I can't wear turtlenecks or tight necklaces cause I can't stand anything touching my neck so you can imagine my horror at that.
They started an IV (sigh) and gave me sedation. It was to relieve my anxiety but I was awake the entire time. They covered my face (apparently so they wouldn't see me grimacing in pain) and started. The needle pricks with the novacaine were pretty painful. That area is very sensitive. I can't decide which was worse, the pain of the pressure of pushing the wire into my neck or when they had to dig down deep to tether the port. It started hurting again halfway through so he gave me more sedation and more novacaine.
After it was over, I was in the dressing area and the nurse kindly brought me apple juice and crackers since it was now close to 12 hours since I had eaten anything. I walked out (shakily) to meet BDHA at 4:40 p.m. (Rush hour). He asked where I wanted to eat and I said I didn't care as long as they served mashed potatoes (MFD's comfort food when she isn't feeling well). We ended up at the 1902 Tavern in Market Square. The service was extremely slow, they ran out of bread but the mashed potatoes were worth it. Both BHDA and I had the pork chop. We also ran into some of the flight crew there and talked to them until I started feeling bad. The novocaine was wearing off. All I could take was extra strength Tylenol.
We got to the Hilton and had the car valet parked ($26!). The room was really nice and looked out over the river and the christmas tree at the point (I tried taking a picture with my cell phone. It's posted below). I just wished I felt better and could have enjoyed it more. I had to sleep on my back all night and any movement at all was painful. The tylenol wore off around 3am and I had to take some more. BDHA had to be in the lobby at 5:30 a.m. to take the van to the airport so I decided to leave at the same time. I wasn't supposed to drive for 24 hours and if I was heading home, I wanted to do it with the least amount of traffic around.
I called work at 7:00 a.m. and told them that I was not going to be able to make it in, that I was in too much pain. I slept until around 10:30 a.m. and am now trying to convince myself to get dressed and go to Kmart. I have to turn in a prescription for an anti-nausea drug for Monday. The nurse at Dr. L's office said sometimes it takes a few days to get authorization depending on your insurance. I took some more tylenol and the pain is down to a dull ache. I should probably go while the pain is at it's lowest.
I am going to try my damndest to make it in to work tomorrow especially since I'll be off on Monday (1st chemo) and who knows how many days after that.
As I lay on the table looking up at the ceiling waiting for them to start (before they covered my face) I said to myself "I really have changed my mind. I don't want to do this!" Good thing I didn't listen to myself. It's now over and just a matter of getting through the pain. It sure as hell better be worth it come Monday.
If I had known prior what the procedure actually entailed, I might not have gone through with it. The doctor told me he was going to puncture my jugular (OUCH) to put some wire in and then would make another incision in my chest where the port was to be placed. I can't wear turtlenecks or tight necklaces cause I can't stand anything touching my neck so you can imagine my horror at that.
They started an IV (sigh) and gave me sedation. It was to relieve my anxiety but I was awake the entire time. They covered my face (apparently so they wouldn't see me grimacing in pain) and started. The needle pricks with the novacaine were pretty painful. That area is very sensitive. I can't decide which was worse, the pain of the pressure of pushing the wire into my neck or when they had to dig down deep to tether the port. It started hurting again halfway through so he gave me more sedation and more novacaine.
After it was over, I was in the dressing area and the nurse kindly brought me apple juice and crackers since it was now close to 12 hours since I had eaten anything. I walked out (shakily) to meet BDHA at 4:40 p.m. (Rush hour). He asked where I wanted to eat and I said I didn't care as long as they served mashed potatoes (MFD's comfort food when she isn't feeling well). We ended up at the 1902 Tavern in Market Square. The service was extremely slow, they ran out of bread but the mashed potatoes were worth it. Both BHDA and I had the pork chop. We also ran into some of the flight crew there and talked to them until I started feeling bad. The novocaine was wearing off. All I could take was extra strength Tylenol.
We got to the Hilton and had the car valet parked ($26!). The room was really nice and looked out over the river and the christmas tree at the point (I tried taking a picture with my cell phone. It's posted below). I just wished I felt better and could have enjoyed it more. I had to sleep on my back all night and any movement at all was painful. The tylenol wore off around 3am and I had to take some more. BDHA had to be in the lobby at 5:30 a.m. to take the van to the airport so I decided to leave at the same time. I wasn't supposed to drive for 24 hours and if I was heading home, I wanted to do it with the least amount of traffic around.
I called work at 7:00 a.m. and told them that I was not going to be able to make it in, that I was in too much pain. I slept until around 10:30 a.m. and am now trying to convince myself to get dressed and go to Kmart. I have to turn in a prescription for an anti-nausea drug for Monday. The nurse at Dr. L's office said sometimes it takes a few days to get authorization depending on your insurance. I took some more tylenol and the pain is down to a dull ache. I should probably go while the pain is at it's lowest.
I am going to try my damndest to make it in to work tomorrow especially since I'll be off on Monday (1st chemo) and who knows how many days after that.
As I lay on the table looking up at the ceiling waiting for them to start (before they covered my face) I said to myself "I really have changed my mind. I don't want to do this!" Good thing I didn't listen to myself. It's now over and just a matter of getting through the pain. It sure as hell better be worth it come Monday.
Tuesday, December 16, 2008
MUGA scan
I can't wait for the port to be put in. It took two tries and two people to get an IV in me for the scan this afternoon. The first tried on my right forearm and as soon as the needle went in, it blew up. I had a huge black and blue lump under the skin. And that's my GOOD arm.
She called a member of the iv team in and they were able to get the iv into the back of my left hand. She injected a substance and I had to go sit for 20 minutes while it circulated. Then she injected again and I laid on the same table I had for the bone scan. She hooked up three EKG wires and moved the camera over my heart. I had to lay still for 5 minutes, she moved the camera into another position, another 5 minutes and I was done.
My question is why is it, that no matter what time my appointment is during the day, I end up leaving Oakland at 5:00 p.m. when everyone ELSE in the world is trying to leave?
So..tomorrow is port day. I am nervous about that though I know it's the best thing for me. There will still be a "pinch" every time they use it just like the "pinch" when they try to insert the iv or needle BUT it will only happen once. The opening will be there ready to go. The tech today told me that they should be able to use it to also draw blood when needed. On rare occasions it won't work that way but I'm hoping I'm not one of those.
It's only 8 p.m. but I should get to bed soon. I can't eat after 6:30 a.m. tomorrow and there's no way I can last until after 1 or 1:30 without eating something. So I need to get up around 5:30 a.m. JUST TO EAT. Then I think I'll nap on the couch until 10:30 a.m. when it will be time to leave to pick up BDHA from the Hilton in dahntahn Pittsburgh`and head over to Oakland.
I'll post on Thursday as I won't be home tomorrow night. Good night. Oh..no clue if I can pick the winning Lottery numbers as I forgot to buy one!
She called a member of the iv team in and they were able to get the iv into the back of my left hand. She injected a substance and I had to go sit for 20 minutes while it circulated. Then she injected again and I laid on the same table I had for the bone scan. She hooked up three EKG wires and moved the camera over my heart. I had to lay still for 5 minutes, she moved the camera into another position, another 5 minutes and I was done.
My question is why is it, that no matter what time my appointment is during the day, I end up leaving Oakland at 5:00 p.m. when everyone ELSE in the world is trying to leave?
So..tomorrow is port day. I am nervous about that though I know it's the best thing for me. There will still be a "pinch" every time they use it just like the "pinch" when they try to insert the iv or needle BUT it will only happen once. The opening will be there ready to go. The tech today told me that they should be able to use it to also draw blood when needed. On rare occasions it won't work that way but I'm hoping I'm not one of those.
It's only 8 p.m. but I should get to bed soon. I can't eat after 6:30 a.m. tomorrow and there's no way I can last until after 1 or 1:30 without eating something. So I need to get up around 5:30 a.m. JUST TO EAT. Then I think I'll nap on the couch until 10:30 a.m. when it will be time to leave to pick up BDHA from the Hilton in dahntahn Pittsburgh`and head over to Oakland.
I'll post on Thursday as I won't be home tomorrow night. Good night. Oh..no clue if I can pick the winning Lottery numbers as I forgot to buy one!
Monday, December 15, 2008
Fasten Your Seatbelts....!
I was getting anxious because everything seemed to be moving in slow motion and I was worried that I was losing precious time. After my appointment with Dr. L. today, all that has changed.
Another doctor, Dr. R, examined me first. She then met with him and gave him her thoughts. He came in and corrected some of her opinions such as the size of the tumor. Dr. Z had been telling me approximately 4 centimeters. Dr. L was now saying 7 cm. I don't know if that means Dr. Z was wrong or it's grown that much in the last two months. Probably grown.
Tomorrow I have what is called a MUGA test (to see how strong my heart pumps), Wednesday I have the port placement and Monday I have my first chemo treatment. I had to give blood today for the port placement and when I told the lab tech that I was having a MUGA test tomorrow, I said "Sounds kinda like a Harry Potter thing". He said "yeah, we're testing you to see if you're a muggle" (Need to read the books if you don't know what that is). When I told BDHA about the "muggle" test, he said to use my powers to win the Powerball. I told him that unfortunately, I can't use it to better my own circumstances, otherwise I wouldn't have breast cancer. Duh~.
I will go through 4 cycles of chemotherapy; once every three weeks. Then they will decide either to start another treatment using a different medicine and surgery or surgery first. It depends on how the tumor behaves.
Dr. L seemed a little cranky when he first walked in but warmed up after that. He wasn't so certain that I did have Inflammatory Breast Cancer but he's going to treat me as if I did, just in case. Oh yeah..I'll have to make sure I look my best on Monday cause the hospital photographer is coming in to take a picture of me..okay..my breast...so they can monitor the redness. He even had a resident come in and take a look. Apparently they don't see breasts as fine as mine all that often...(a little humor never hurts).
So if I figured out the calendar correctly, my treatments are as follows:
1. 12/22/2008
2. 01/12/2009
3. 02/02/2009
4. 2/23/2009
Each treatment will last between 2.5 and 3 hours. MFD had a good idea. She said to take the mini DVR player I bought BDHA and watch movies while waiting. Good idea!
I should expect to lose my hair after the 2nd treatment. Time to go wig shopping. Dr. R said that I may have to take a few days off after the treatments because of fatigue but would be able to work the rest of the week. The real fatigue kicks in if they put me through a second round of medicine after these 4.
I was told to wash my hands constantly, wash fruits and veggies well and to eat well-cooked meats. No sushi (not a problem!). If I get a temp I'm to call them immediately.
For this next part, I need MoM, my mother-in-law and Mrs. P to cover their eyes. There was a sign on the wall in the examination room that talked about sex and chemo. It said that it could be hazardous. My first comment to BDHA was maybe that a certain body part might become radioactive and glow-in-the-dark. Kewl! Actually, it was stressing the importance of birth control and condoms in regards to birth defects and infections. The headline certainly drew my attention and made me read more.
It was a lot of sitting around and waiting but I'm relieved that a program has been put in place and I have a starting point.
I'll post tomorrow after my MUGA test and let you know if I'm able to pick the winning Lottery numbers.
Another doctor, Dr. R, examined me first. She then met with him and gave him her thoughts. He came in and corrected some of her opinions such as the size of the tumor. Dr. Z had been telling me approximately 4 centimeters. Dr. L was now saying 7 cm. I don't know if that means Dr. Z was wrong or it's grown that much in the last two months. Probably grown.
Tomorrow I have what is called a MUGA test (to see how strong my heart pumps), Wednesday I have the port placement and Monday I have my first chemo treatment. I had to give blood today for the port placement and when I told the lab tech that I was having a MUGA test tomorrow, I said "Sounds kinda like a Harry Potter thing". He said "yeah, we're testing you to see if you're a muggle" (Need to read the books if you don't know what that is). When I told BDHA about the "muggle" test, he said to use my powers to win the Powerball. I told him that unfortunately, I can't use it to better my own circumstances, otherwise I wouldn't have breast cancer. Duh~.
I will go through 4 cycles of chemotherapy; once every three weeks. Then they will decide either to start another treatment using a different medicine and surgery or surgery first. It depends on how the tumor behaves.
Dr. L seemed a little cranky when he first walked in but warmed up after that. He wasn't so certain that I did have Inflammatory Breast Cancer but he's going to treat me as if I did, just in case. Oh yeah..I'll have to make sure I look my best on Monday cause the hospital photographer is coming in to take a picture of me..okay..my breast...so they can monitor the redness. He even had a resident come in and take a look. Apparently they don't see breasts as fine as mine all that often...(a little humor never hurts).
So if I figured out the calendar correctly, my treatments are as follows:
1. 12/22/2008
2. 01/12/2009
3. 02/02/2009
4. 2/23/2009
Each treatment will last between 2.5 and 3 hours. MFD had a good idea. She said to take the mini DVR player I bought BDHA and watch movies while waiting. Good idea!
I should expect to lose my hair after the 2nd treatment. Time to go wig shopping. Dr. R said that I may have to take a few days off after the treatments because of fatigue but would be able to work the rest of the week. The real fatigue kicks in if they put me through a second round of medicine after these 4.
I was told to wash my hands constantly, wash fruits and veggies well and to eat well-cooked meats. No sushi (not a problem!). If I get a temp I'm to call them immediately.
For this next part, I need MoM, my mother-in-law and Mrs. P to cover their eyes. There was a sign on the wall in the examination room that talked about sex and chemo. It said that it could be hazardous. My first comment to BDHA was maybe that a certain body part might become radioactive and glow-in-the-dark. Kewl! Actually, it was stressing the importance of birth control and condoms in regards to birth defects and infections. The headline certainly drew my attention and made me read more.
It was a lot of sitting around and waiting but I'm relieved that a program has been put in place and I have a starting point.
I'll post tomorrow after my MUGA test and let you know if I'm able to pick the winning Lottery numbers.
Tuesday, December 9, 2008
Strange dreams
Today I had my ultrasound. Dr. Z wanted to know if the reason my breast was red was because it was filling up with fluid. I didn't know that along with the ultrasound prescription, he had faxed an order for a biopsy to drain the fluid, if any was found. They didn't find any fluid so they didn't do the biopsy. I'm relieved that there was no biopsy but on the other hand, it means it's a harder form of cancer to cure but still curable.
I took an Ativan yesterday morning and then one last night before bed. I still woke up a few times in the night but was able to fall back asleep fast. I slept deeper and had more dreams. The main one I remember is MFS showing me his report card. He received an "F" (he's been on the dean's list 5 out of 6 semesters and missed the 6th by a tenth of a point) in his class called "Man About Town". It was some radio program he had to listen to and he was always busy in the tv studio at the same time. Do NOT ask me why I thought he should take a class called that and I thought once I graduated from college, I was done with those kinds of dreams/nightmares. It was the drugs, man! I took another Ativan this morning and 1/2 a Zoloft and I can't quite tell any difference other than I am extremely tired now. I'll take another Ativan before bed.
I went in to work around 1:30 p.m. today and didn't leave until 9:00 p.m. I'm definitely ready for bed. I wonder what strange dreams I'll have tonight since I took the Zoloft. Maybe one where Mr. Whacko becomes a calm submissive well-adjusted dog (HA!).
I took an Ativan yesterday morning and then one last night before bed. I still woke up a few times in the night but was able to fall back asleep fast. I slept deeper and had more dreams. The main one I remember is MFS showing me his report card. He received an "F" (he's been on the dean's list 5 out of 6 semesters and missed the 6th by a tenth of a point) in his class called "Man About Town". It was some radio program he had to listen to and he was always busy in the tv studio at the same time. Do NOT ask me why I thought he should take a class called that and I thought once I graduated from college, I was done with those kinds of dreams/nightmares. It was the drugs, man! I took another Ativan this morning and 1/2 a Zoloft and I can't quite tell any difference other than I am extremely tired now. I'll take another Ativan before bed.
I went in to work around 1:30 p.m. today and didn't leave until 9:00 p.m. I'm definitely ready for bed. I wonder what strange dreams I'll have tonight since I took the Zoloft. Maybe one where Mr. Whacko becomes a calm submissive well-adjusted dog (HA!).
Monday, December 8, 2008
The directions say to not mix Zoloft and port...
Sorry if some of you were upset by yesterday's post but I can't pretend all the time to be upbeat and positive. I have to be able to vent now and then. It's healthier that way.
I received a call from my clinical coordinator today who told me that she had set up a tentative appointment to have the port put in on the 17th. This would be if it was okay with my meeting with Dr. L. on the 15th. She and Dr. Z didn't want me to have to wait to get an appointment after I met with Dr. L so they were proactive in getting me on the schedule now. I appreciate that. I guess they could tell I was getting anxious. It will be done as an out-patient. It looks like it will work out with BDHA's schedule too. He starts his flight that morning in Philly and the first thing he does is fly to Pittsburgh and is done at 8:30 a.m. My appointment is at 12:45 p.m. He's staying at a nice hotel downtown and I will come by and pick him up. We'll do the port thing and then head back to the hotel for dinner and spend the night. Then he'll head back to the airport the next morning and I'll head into work. That is, as long as we can convince MFD to take care of Mr. Whacko and I'm not in too much pain.
I saw my PCP today, Dr. B. This was more of a "how are you doing with all this shit going on in your life right now" meeting. He and I talked a lot about my feelings and how out of control I felt. He told me that this was a horrible thing I was dealing with and that I was probably trying to stay strong for family and friends and he didn't mind at all if I used my time with him to vent and I cry (which I did). I did feel so much better after knowing that I shouldn't be expected to be strong all the time. He said he could tell I hadn't given up and would continue to fight. He wanted to know if I thought I should take time off of work and I said no. Being at work with how hectic it is is the only time I feel "normal". I don't think about it. Nights and weekends are the worst. As a matter of fact, when I said that to my director at work today she said "You can work 24 hours a day if you want. I'm okay with that". Bet she doesn't realize how many times in the middle of the night I wish I could come in and work.
I did tell Dr. B that I wish I could just be numb and not so weepy all the time. Any time I have to talk about it to someone, I can't stop myself from crying. He told me to increase the ativan and he also prescribed Zoloft. He figures that I will need to be on it at least 6 months to get me through chemo and surgery and post-op stuff. He told me to not feel bad that I'm taking it because this is one of the most difficult things a human has to go through and it's there to help.
Tomorrow will be my first day taking it. I hate taking a new prescription if I'm not home. I have my ultrasound in the morning and have to be at work by 2:00 p.m. Let's hope that I don't get too loop-de-loop as Shirley Valentine would say {Favorite movie: Shirley Valentine}
BDHA put the lights on the tree today. We'll put the ornaments on when MFD and MFS are home. I love looking at the lights. I wonder if I can convince BDHA to keep the tree up until I'm through this process...probably not..the needles would be all over the place and would become a fire hazard. I'll take a nice picture and print it out to keep.
Good night all...
I received a call from my clinical coordinator today who told me that she had set up a tentative appointment to have the port put in on the 17th. This would be if it was okay with my meeting with Dr. L. on the 15th. She and Dr. Z didn't want me to have to wait to get an appointment after I met with Dr. L so they were proactive in getting me on the schedule now. I appreciate that. I guess they could tell I was getting anxious. It will be done as an out-patient. It looks like it will work out with BDHA's schedule too. He starts his flight that morning in Philly and the first thing he does is fly to Pittsburgh and is done at 8:30 a.m. My appointment is at 12:45 p.m. He's staying at a nice hotel downtown and I will come by and pick him up. We'll do the port thing and then head back to the hotel for dinner and spend the night. Then he'll head back to the airport the next morning and I'll head into work. That is, as long as we can convince MFD to take care of Mr. Whacko and I'm not in too much pain.
I saw my PCP today, Dr. B. This was more of a "how are you doing with all this shit going on in your life right now" meeting. He and I talked a lot about my feelings and how out of control I felt. He told me that this was a horrible thing I was dealing with and that I was probably trying to stay strong for family and friends and he didn't mind at all if I used my time with him to vent and I cry (which I did). I did feel so much better after knowing that I shouldn't be expected to be strong all the time. He said he could tell I hadn't given up and would continue to fight. He wanted to know if I thought I should take time off of work and I said no. Being at work with how hectic it is is the only time I feel "normal". I don't think about it. Nights and weekends are the worst. As a matter of fact, when I said that to my director at work today she said "You can work 24 hours a day if you want. I'm okay with that". Bet she doesn't realize how many times in the middle of the night I wish I could come in and work.
I did tell Dr. B that I wish I could just be numb and not so weepy all the time. Any time I have to talk about it to someone, I can't stop myself from crying. He told me to increase the ativan and he also prescribed Zoloft. He figures that I will need to be on it at least 6 months to get me through chemo and surgery and post-op stuff. He told me to not feel bad that I'm taking it because this is one of the most difficult things a human has to go through and it's there to help.
Tomorrow will be my first day taking it. I hate taking a new prescription if I'm not home. I have my ultrasound in the morning and have to be at work by 2:00 p.m. Let's hope that I don't get too loop-de-loop as Shirley Valentine would say {Favorite movie: Shirley Valentine}
BDHA put the lights on the tree today. We'll put the ornaments on when MFD and MFS are home. I love looking at the lights. I wonder if I can convince BDHA to keep the tree up until I'm through this process...probably not..the needles would be all over the place and would become a fire hazard. I'll take a nice picture and print it out to keep.
Good night all...
Sunday, December 7, 2008
I've changed my mind about.....
51 seconds left in the game, Pittsburgh is beating Dallas and I'm sipping Maker's Mark. Let's hope that their lead holds til the end of my post.
What have I changed my mind about recently:
MRIs:they're not so bad if you go to the right place.
Cutting down a fresh Christmas tree: I told BDHA last night that I didn't want to go this morning because it was going to be too cold. I did go and discovered I really do need to get myself a hat. A hat that FITS.
Taking the dog for a walk tonight: BDHA is trying to talk me into going...apparently he isn't reading my post as I type...it's TOO COLD OUT THERE.
Thinking pessimistically: This one is hard for me. MFS mentioned when he was home for Thanksgiving week that he viewed me as being a pessimistic person. He wanted to make sure that I was being as optimistic as possible to help get through this. Funny, I always thought of myself as being positive but trying to plan for every possible situtation.
I do find myself saying to myself when asked what I want for Christmas "why bother, it's not like I'll be around to enjoy it much." BDHA and I were in Tarjet and I showed him some Radko Christmas plate settings that I liked. He said we should get them and I said no..too much money. He said, well, after Christmas, when they're on clearance. I said no...because his new wife wouldn't appreciate using dishes that I had picked out. I need to stop thinking that way and I especially need to stop verbalizing it. Now don't anyone get upset. I'm posting this on purpose. I'm saying it here to get it out of my system.
Tomorrow I meet with Dr. B, my PCP. This is a normal check-up. He'll want to know how it's going with treatment. I'll have to tell him nothing has started YET.
Tuesday I have an ultrasound to see if the reason the right breast is red is because it's filling up with fluid and NOT because it's Inflammatory Breast Cancer. I think it's a waste of time, but I'm game.
I can no longer watch the NFL show with Terry Bradshaw without remembering him in his naked room in "Failure to Launch". A naked TB is NOT something you want in your head for ANY length of time.
Oh...the Steelers held on for the win. GO STEELERS!
What have I changed my mind about recently:
MRIs:they're not so bad if you go to the right place.
Cutting down a fresh Christmas tree: I told BDHA last night that I didn't want to go this morning because it was going to be too cold. I did go and discovered I really do need to get myself a hat. A hat that FITS.
Taking the dog for a walk tonight: BDHA is trying to talk me into going...apparently he isn't reading my post as I type...it's TOO COLD OUT THERE.
Thinking pessimistically: This one is hard for me. MFS mentioned when he was home for Thanksgiving week that he viewed me as being a pessimistic person. He wanted to make sure that I was being as optimistic as possible to help get through this. Funny, I always thought of myself as being positive but trying to plan for every possible situtation.
I do find myself saying to myself when asked what I want for Christmas "why bother, it's not like I'll be around to enjoy it much." BDHA and I were in Tarjet and I showed him some Radko Christmas plate settings that I liked. He said we should get them and I said no..too much money. He said, well, after Christmas, when they're on clearance. I said no...because his new wife wouldn't appreciate using dishes that I had picked out. I need to stop thinking that way and I especially need to stop verbalizing it. Now don't anyone get upset. I'm posting this on purpose. I'm saying it here to get it out of my system.
Tomorrow I meet with Dr. B, my PCP. This is a normal check-up. He'll want to know how it's going with treatment. I'll have to tell him nothing has started YET.
Tuesday I have an ultrasound to see if the reason the right breast is red is because it's filling up with fluid and NOT because it's Inflammatory Breast Cancer. I think it's a waste of time, but I'm game.
I can no longer watch the NFL show with Terry Bradshaw without remembering him in his naked room in "Failure to Launch". A naked TB is NOT something you want in your head for ANY length of time.
Oh...the Steelers held on for the win. GO STEELERS!
Wednesday, December 3, 2008
The big tube and Mothman
Woo hoo! Today was my third attempt at a breast MRI and I/it was successful!
We started for Kittanning and because of traffic, thought we were going to be late and miss the appointment. Kittanning is about 50 miles away. We made it just in time. There was some difficulty in starting the I.V. and they had to bring another person in to try. She was able to get it in on her first try.
This tube was much bigger and there was no problem. The walls didn't even touch me. The area that I had to lay on was also different. There was a slope up to the area where you had to fit your breasts into the holes vs the other tubes where you had to lay your chest on the hard plastic box and there wasn't any padding for your lower chest. The test took about 25 minutes and at times, I felt myself falling asleep. I had to keep myself awake because I wasn't sure that I wouldn't move if asleep and have to start the test over. If I ever have to do it again, I'm making the trip there and won't need to stress out about it. The people in the hospital were all really nice and helpful.
After the test, we drove into Kittanning itself and had lunch at a place called DizzyLizzie's. We got there at 2:30 p.m. and we had the place to ourselves. When paying the check I made mention of some pictures on the wall to the waitress who told me that the movie "The Mothman Prophecies" had been filmed in Kittanning. Richard Gere had eaten in the restaurant but it was before her time so she didn't get to meet him. As we left town, we drove over "the bridge". One of my biggest fears is driving over the bridges in Pittsburgh. I almost always think of that movie when I do.
I called my clinical coordinator and left a voice mail letting her know that the MRI was completed successfully and to please let Dr. Z. know. Such a huge weight has been lifted off of me..I'll sleep like a baby tonight.
And to MFD, yes, we will go to "Build-A-______" together along with MFS. He's balking at it. Talk him into it. I'm betting you'll make the cat.
We started for Kittanning and because of traffic, thought we were going to be late and miss the appointment. Kittanning is about 50 miles away. We made it just in time. There was some difficulty in starting the I.V. and they had to bring another person in to try. She was able to get it in on her first try.
This tube was much bigger and there was no problem. The walls didn't even touch me. The area that I had to lay on was also different. There was a slope up to the area where you had to fit your breasts into the holes vs the other tubes where you had to lay your chest on the hard plastic box and there wasn't any padding for your lower chest. The test took about 25 minutes and at times, I felt myself falling asleep. I had to keep myself awake because I wasn't sure that I wouldn't move if asleep and have to start the test over. If I ever have to do it again, I'm making the trip there and won't need to stress out about it. The people in the hospital were all really nice and helpful.
After the test, we drove into Kittanning itself and had lunch at a place called DizzyLizzie's. We got there at 2:30 p.m. and we had the place to ourselves. When paying the check I made mention of some pictures on the wall to the waitress who told me that the movie "The Mothman Prophecies" had been filmed in Kittanning. Richard Gere had eaten in the restaurant but it was before her time so she didn't get to meet him. As we left town, we drove over "the bridge". One of my biggest fears is driving over the bridges in Pittsburgh. I almost always think of that movie when I do.
I called my clinical coordinator and left a voice mail letting her know that the MRI was completed successfully and to please let Dr. Z. know. Such a huge weight has been lifted off of me..I'll sleep like a baby tonight.
And to MFD, yes, we will go to "Build-A-______" together along with MFS. He's balking at it. Talk him into it. I'm betting you'll make the cat.
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