Well, it's been awhile since I've posted. I've been busy, tired and busy being tired.
Tuesday night I looked at the tlc catalog that I picked up at the hospital on Monday. BDHA and I picked out a wig and I ordered it. It should be here by the middle of next week. Let's hope we did a good job on the first try. He helped me measure my head and with my hair the circumference was 1 inch LARGER than their large. Hopefully, without hair, it will fit perfectly. That's why I have such difficulties finding hats that fit and don't end up popping off my head.
I went in to work on Wednesday and didn't feel well at the beginning of the day but perked up around mid-afternoon. Christmas day went extremely well. BDHA made an awesome Christmas dinner (as he does every year). We had standing rib roast, yorkshire pudding, mashed potatoes and roasted asparagus. For dessert he made a blackberry pie from scratch (blackberries at Costco were $3.99!) and I made the triple pumpkin spice pie we had at Thanksgiving.
For Christmas, MFD gave me my favorite movie "Shirley Valentine" on DVD. I had been waiting for it to come out. It's an old movie and if you ever get a chance to watch it, I recommend it. However, it is a chick flick.
MFS took all of our old home movies (on beta, yes we still use beta) and transferred them to DVDs. We watched a few from MFD's first and second Christmas and MFS's first time in the jacuzzi at 5 months old.
BDHA gave me a hat that fits AND matches my winter coat! He did a good job. He also bought me a Citizen's Eco-drive watch with mother of pearl and tiny set diamonds. As Sally Fields once said "You like me, you really like me". Did you know that you cannot buy a woman's analog watch (one with hands) with an alarm? I have been searching for one for years. You can buy digital, but not analog. I did do a google search once and there were some out there that were over $1000. There are two possible reasons why this is so:
1. Women aren't important enough to have to be somewhere at a particular time.
2. We're so awesome we don't need some stinkin' watch to remind us.
I go with #2. It's a beautiful watch.
Oh! He also bought me the Radko Christmas plates (family members apparently made him feel guilty). He could only find the salad plates and bowls, a gravy boat and one big bowl. I did go to Tarjet last night and found they had the dinner plates in the stockroom. We both got them on sale so it wasn't so bad.
I bought BDHA something he had been talking about wanting to do for years. Uncle Joe's Scuba opened up in our town a little over a year ago and I bought him enough lessons to get him certified. He kept looking at the one's the YMCA offered but he could never fit it in with his flight schedule. He's already talking about places he'd like to dive once finished. I wanted this to be something that *I* gave him since he's been so supportive and helpful. I couldn't get through this without him. Now for the mushy part. We started dating when I was 15 and he was 17. The first time he kissed me, I said to myself "This is the man I'm going to marry". He never had a chance after that. We've been married 30 years and dated for 7 before that. He tells people "I've been married my entire life" (imagine whine mode). He *IS* the Best Damned Husband Alive. We've had our problems and I am thankful he stuck it through cause it's pretty damned good right now, considering.
I've been getting a little more tired each day but I'm still functioning. Today, Saturday, I went in to work for a few hours, but not as long as I had hoped. I came home, ate lunch and then slept from 2:30 p.m. to 5:00 p.m. Since the temp outside was around 70 degrees, I wanted to take Mr. Whacko out to one of the fields and let him run around. I never made it. Sorry Mr. Whacko. He's being very patient right now waiting for his dinner while I post. I normally feed him when I get home from work which is around 6:30 p.m. It's now 6:31 p.m. and he's sleeping. I should go feed him though they say "let sleeping dogs lie".
I hope you all had a happy Christmas.
Saturday, December 27, 2008
Tuesday, December 23, 2008
1st Chemo treatment
I did go into work last Friday and probably shouldn't have. I was still in a lot of pain and ended up with a stiff neck from looking at the computer all day. I felt much much better Saturday morning and went in for about 4 hours. We're extremely busy with the rates being so low.
The wounds were healing well, my problem was mostly with the bandaid on my neck and the tape around the dressing on the port. When I would change them, I had little water blisters under the tape that itched and burned like heck. After speaking with my mother, she had the same problem with adhesive tape before they invented plastic tape. There must be some ingredient that we're both allergic to.
I had my first chemo treatment yesterday. BDHA, MFD & MFS were all supposed to go. MFS ended up not going because he came down sick. The flu! Hopefully he'll be non-contagious by the time my immune system dumps. I did have a flu shot.
I was told that the procedure would take up to three hours so they were going to leave after the doctor saw me, do some Christmas shopping and then come back when I was done. I misunderstood the time frame. It was supposed to be three hours for the entire visit. The drip was only 1 hour. All BDHA and MFD had time to do was eat lunch and come back. We ended up being there for over 5 hours. Four of it waiting to get in to see the doctor and then waiting for a chair to open up. Since they couldn't schedule on Thursday, all of those people had to be spread out throughout the week. Plus most probably wanted it at the beginning of the week so that they would feel better by Christmas. Bet Friday is gonna be a real treat to work/wait there.
I saw Dr. R and Dr. L. They looked at my breast and I told them that the redness seemed to be going away on it's own. They both agreed. They still wanted a picture taken to compare even though it was now harder to see. Dr. L. told me to take the dressings off the wounds and leave them off if they were irritating me that badly. He watched me take them off and said they were fine. Yay! I was supposed to leave them on until Wednesday.
I saw the photographer next. He made me sign a disclaimer. I said "This is so you can post them on the internet, right?" His response was "U-tube here we come!"
What can I say..I've changed my mind about chemo. Disclaimer: This is being said at 7:43 a.m. the next day while I'm still under the influence of drugs. I was feeling queasy going in to see the doctor, mostly from nerves. They had me take the 125 mg pill of Emend (new anti-nausea drug that I had to pick up last week). Within 30 minutes, the queasiness was gone. The first solution they put into my iv was another anti-nausea drug. Then I took three pills (steroids) also used to combat nausea. I asked that they not use my port (go figure) because it was still pretty tender. They put it in my hand first try, no pain. The most painful part of the entire procedure was the first solution going in...I had a burning feeling going up my arm. The nurse told me it was from room temperature solution going into a warm body. She wrapped a hot towel around it and voila! all better.
The set-up at MWH is pretty nice. They have the nurse's station at one end and a wall of windows on the other end. There are halls leading between the nurse's station and the windows. There are two stations on each side of the walls. It was bright and sunny and relatively cheerful considering what we were all in there for. They had sandwiches and juice for the patients and at one point, a nurse came around with a box of chocolates offering one to patients and their visitors. MFD was in there for that so she had one. Each station has it's own private tv on a stand. Your chair is a recliner. My own private tv and recliner?! I don't even get that at home!
The nurse said for someone's whose veins are so hard to access, I had a really good flow. She had to actually slow the drip down because it was going in too fast. I felt pretty lucky after hearing some of the other patients talk about their treatments. Most were in there for hours and had to come in every week for three weeks and then a week off. Me, just once every three weeks for an hour. I can do this.
I also had a chance to look at all the different wigs women were wearing. I really liked the one woman's wig who was sitting directly across from me and the one kitty-corner to me. The one across from me was trying to sleep and not talking. The one kitty-corner was talking to everyone so I asked her where she got her's from. A place called "Karamoose" (how she said it, not sure how it's spelled) out near Monroeville. The nurse gave me a catalog from the American Cancer Society and I saw one in it that I liked. My hair is going to fall out sooner than I had expected; within 8-14 days. So now the search is on.
The nurse told me that I would have a lot of energy after the treatment (due to the steroids) and to not baby myself. Go out and do what I wanted. So on the way home, we stopped at Costco and picked up Christmas dinner, a standing rib roast. I also had to go to Kmart to get another anti-nausea prescription to take if needed. I still have two 80 mg pills of the Emend left. I take one this morning and one tomorrow morning.
Right now I feel great. I think I'll go eat breakfast, take my pill and see how the day progresses.
Yesterday was a good day.
Update on Dale: He's still in the hospital waiting for his digestive system to kick into gear. Once that happens, he can come home. Pray that he's home for Christmas.
The wounds were healing well, my problem was mostly with the bandaid on my neck and the tape around the dressing on the port. When I would change them, I had little water blisters under the tape that itched and burned like heck. After speaking with my mother, she had the same problem with adhesive tape before they invented plastic tape. There must be some ingredient that we're both allergic to.
I had my first chemo treatment yesterday. BDHA, MFD & MFS were all supposed to go. MFS ended up not going because he came down sick. The flu! Hopefully he'll be non-contagious by the time my immune system dumps. I did have a flu shot.
I was told that the procedure would take up to three hours so they were going to leave after the doctor saw me, do some Christmas shopping and then come back when I was done. I misunderstood the time frame. It was supposed to be three hours for the entire visit. The drip was only 1 hour. All BDHA and MFD had time to do was eat lunch and come back. We ended up being there for over 5 hours. Four of it waiting to get in to see the doctor and then waiting for a chair to open up. Since they couldn't schedule on Thursday, all of those people had to be spread out throughout the week. Plus most probably wanted it at the beginning of the week so that they would feel better by Christmas. Bet Friday is gonna be a real treat to work/wait there.
I saw Dr. R and Dr. L. They looked at my breast and I told them that the redness seemed to be going away on it's own. They both agreed. They still wanted a picture taken to compare even though it was now harder to see. Dr. L. told me to take the dressings off the wounds and leave them off if they were irritating me that badly. He watched me take them off and said they were fine. Yay! I was supposed to leave them on until Wednesday.
I saw the photographer next. He made me sign a disclaimer. I said "This is so you can post them on the internet, right?" His response was "U-tube here we come!"
What can I say..I've changed my mind about chemo. Disclaimer: This is being said at 7:43 a.m. the next day while I'm still under the influence of drugs. I was feeling queasy going in to see the doctor, mostly from nerves. They had me take the 125 mg pill of Emend (new anti-nausea drug that I had to pick up last week). Within 30 minutes, the queasiness was gone. The first solution they put into my iv was another anti-nausea drug. Then I took three pills (steroids) also used to combat nausea. I asked that they not use my port (go figure) because it was still pretty tender. They put it in my hand first try, no pain. The most painful part of the entire procedure was the first solution going in...I had a burning feeling going up my arm. The nurse told me it was from room temperature solution going into a warm body. She wrapped a hot towel around it and voila! all better.
The set-up at MWH is pretty nice. They have the nurse's station at one end and a wall of windows on the other end. There are halls leading between the nurse's station and the windows. There are two stations on each side of the walls. It was bright and sunny and relatively cheerful considering what we were all in there for. They had sandwiches and juice for the patients and at one point, a nurse came around with a box of chocolates offering one to patients and their visitors. MFD was in there for that so she had one. Each station has it's own private tv on a stand. Your chair is a recliner. My own private tv and recliner?! I don't even get that at home!
The nurse said for someone's whose veins are so hard to access, I had a really good flow. She had to actually slow the drip down because it was going in too fast. I felt pretty lucky after hearing some of the other patients talk about their treatments. Most were in there for hours and had to come in every week for three weeks and then a week off. Me, just once every three weeks for an hour. I can do this.
I also had a chance to look at all the different wigs women were wearing. I really liked the one woman's wig who was sitting directly across from me and the one kitty-corner to me. The one across from me was trying to sleep and not talking. The one kitty-corner was talking to everyone so I asked her where she got her's from. A place called "Karamoose" (how she said it, not sure how it's spelled) out near Monroeville. The nurse gave me a catalog from the American Cancer Society and I saw one in it that I liked. My hair is going to fall out sooner than I had expected; within 8-14 days. So now the search is on.
The nurse told me that I would have a lot of energy after the treatment (due to the steroids) and to not baby myself. Go out and do what I wanted. So on the way home, we stopped at Costco and picked up Christmas dinner, a standing rib roast. I also had to go to Kmart to get another anti-nausea prescription to take if needed. I still have two 80 mg pills of the Emend left. I take one this morning and one tomorrow morning.
Right now I feel great. I think I'll go eat breakfast, take my pill and see how the day progresses.
Yesterday was a good day.
Update on Dale: He's still in the hospital waiting for his digestive system to kick into gear. Once that happens, he can come home. Pray that he's home for Christmas.
Thursday, December 18, 2008
Dale
Please keep BDHA's brother, Dale, in your prayers. He was diagnosed over a year ago with colon cancer and just underwent a second operation yesterday to remove tumors from his liver. He tolerated the surgery well and they didn't have to take as much as his liver as they thought.
BDHA is flying to Chicago on Saturday to see him and will then fly back home Sunday so that he can take me to chemo on Monday. When it rains, it pours....
BDHA is flying to Chicago on Saturday to see him and will then fly back home Sunday so that he can take me to chemo on Monday. When it rains, it pours....
Port Placement
Well, the day started out okay.. I got up at 5:30 a.m., made breakfast and was back in bed by 6:15 a.m. I picked up BDHA around 11:30 a.m. at the Hilton downtown at the point and since it didn't take as long as I thought to get there, we took a trip to the south side to get a luggage strap for his flight bag. My appointment was at 12:45 and I was supposed to be there 15 minutes early. We were there in plenty of time. However, after sitting waiting until 1:00 p.m., we were told they were behind by about an hour. I didn't go into the back until around 2:30 p.m. and didn't go into the "operating room" until close to 3.
If I had known prior what the procedure actually entailed, I might not have gone through with it. The doctor told me he was going to puncture my jugular (OUCH) to put some wire in and then would make another incision in my chest where the port was to be placed. I can't wear turtlenecks or tight necklaces cause I can't stand anything touching my neck so you can imagine my horror at that.
They started an IV (sigh) and gave me sedation. It was to relieve my anxiety but I was awake the entire time. They covered my face (apparently so they wouldn't see me grimacing in pain) and started. The needle pricks with the novacaine were pretty painful. That area is very sensitive. I can't decide which was worse, the pain of the pressure of pushing the wire into my neck or when they had to dig down deep to tether the port. It started hurting again halfway through so he gave me more sedation and more novacaine.
After it was over, I was in the dressing area and the nurse kindly brought me apple juice and crackers since it was now close to 12 hours since I had eaten anything. I walked out (shakily) to meet BDHA at 4:40 p.m. (Rush hour). He asked where I wanted to eat and I said I didn't care as long as they served mashed potatoes (MFD's comfort food when she isn't feeling well). We ended up at the 1902 Tavern in Market Square. The service was extremely slow, they ran out of bread but the mashed potatoes were worth it. Both BHDA and I had the pork chop. We also ran into some of the flight crew there and talked to them until I started feeling bad. The novocaine was wearing off. All I could take was extra strength Tylenol.
We got to the Hilton and had the car valet parked ($26!). The room was really nice and looked out over the river and the christmas tree at the point (I tried taking a picture with my cell phone. It's posted below). I just wished I felt better and could have enjoyed it more. I had to sleep on my back all night and any movement at all was painful. The tylenol wore off around 3am and I had to take some more. BDHA had to be in the lobby at 5:30 a.m. to take the van to the airport so I decided to leave at the same time. I wasn't supposed to drive for 24 hours and if I was heading home, I wanted to do it with the least amount of traffic around.
I called work at 7:00 a.m. and told them that I was not going to be able to make it in, that I was in too much pain. I slept until around 10:30 a.m. and am now trying to convince myself to get dressed and go to Kmart. I have to turn in a prescription for an anti-nausea drug for Monday. The nurse at Dr. L's office said sometimes it takes a few days to get authorization depending on your insurance. I took some more tylenol and the pain is down to a dull ache. I should probably go while the pain is at it's lowest.
I am going to try my damndest to make it in to work tomorrow especially since I'll be off on Monday (1st chemo) and who knows how many days after that.
As I lay on the table looking up at the ceiling waiting for them to start (before they covered my face) I said to myself "I really have changed my mind. I don't want to do this!" Good thing I didn't listen to myself. It's now over and just a matter of getting through the pain. It sure as hell better be worth it come Monday.
If I had known prior what the procedure actually entailed, I might not have gone through with it. The doctor told me he was going to puncture my jugular (OUCH) to put some wire in and then would make another incision in my chest where the port was to be placed. I can't wear turtlenecks or tight necklaces cause I can't stand anything touching my neck so you can imagine my horror at that.
They started an IV (sigh) and gave me sedation. It was to relieve my anxiety but I was awake the entire time. They covered my face (apparently so they wouldn't see me grimacing in pain) and started. The needle pricks with the novacaine were pretty painful. That area is very sensitive. I can't decide which was worse, the pain of the pressure of pushing the wire into my neck or when they had to dig down deep to tether the port. It started hurting again halfway through so he gave me more sedation and more novacaine.
After it was over, I was in the dressing area and the nurse kindly brought me apple juice and crackers since it was now close to 12 hours since I had eaten anything. I walked out (shakily) to meet BDHA at 4:40 p.m. (Rush hour). He asked where I wanted to eat and I said I didn't care as long as they served mashed potatoes (MFD's comfort food when she isn't feeling well). We ended up at the 1902 Tavern in Market Square. The service was extremely slow, they ran out of bread but the mashed potatoes were worth it. Both BHDA and I had the pork chop. We also ran into some of the flight crew there and talked to them until I started feeling bad. The novocaine was wearing off. All I could take was extra strength Tylenol.
We got to the Hilton and had the car valet parked ($26!). The room was really nice and looked out over the river and the christmas tree at the point (I tried taking a picture with my cell phone. It's posted below). I just wished I felt better and could have enjoyed it more. I had to sleep on my back all night and any movement at all was painful. The tylenol wore off around 3am and I had to take some more. BDHA had to be in the lobby at 5:30 a.m. to take the van to the airport so I decided to leave at the same time. I wasn't supposed to drive for 24 hours and if I was heading home, I wanted to do it with the least amount of traffic around.
I called work at 7:00 a.m. and told them that I was not going to be able to make it in, that I was in too much pain. I slept until around 10:30 a.m. and am now trying to convince myself to get dressed and go to Kmart. I have to turn in a prescription for an anti-nausea drug for Monday. The nurse at Dr. L's office said sometimes it takes a few days to get authorization depending on your insurance. I took some more tylenol and the pain is down to a dull ache. I should probably go while the pain is at it's lowest.
I am going to try my damndest to make it in to work tomorrow especially since I'll be off on Monday (1st chemo) and who knows how many days after that.
As I lay on the table looking up at the ceiling waiting for them to start (before they covered my face) I said to myself "I really have changed my mind. I don't want to do this!" Good thing I didn't listen to myself. It's now over and just a matter of getting through the pain. It sure as hell better be worth it come Monday.
Tuesday, December 16, 2008
MUGA scan
I can't wait for the port to be put in. It took two tries and two people to get an IV in me for the scan this afternoon. The first tried on my right forearm and as soon as the needle went in, it blew up. I had a huge black and blue lump under the skin. And that's my GOOD arm.
She called a member of the iv team in and they were able to get the iv into the back of my left hand. She injected a substance and I had to go sit for 20 minutes while it circulated. Then she injected again and I laid on the same table I had for the bone scan. She hooked up three EKG wires and moved the camera over my heart. I had to lay still for 5 minutes, she moved the camera into another position, another 5 minutes and I was done.
My question is why is it, that no matter what time my appointment is during the day, I end up leaving Oakland at 5:00 p.m. when everyone ELSE in the world is trying to leave?
So..tomorrow is port day. I am nervous about that though I know it's the best thing for me. There will still be a "pinch" every time they use it just like the "pinch" when they try to insert the iv or needle BUT it will only happen once. The opening will be there ready to go. The tech today told me that they should be able to use it to also draw blood when needed. On rare occasions it won't work that way but I'm hoping I'm not one of those.
It's only 8 p.m. but I should get to bed soon. I can't eat after 6:30 a.m. tomorrow and there's no way I can last until after 1 or 1:30 without eating something. So I need to get up around 5:30 a.m. JUST TO EAT. Then I think I'll nap on the couch until 10:30 a.m. when it will be time to leave to pick up BDHA from the Hilton in dahntahn Pittsburgh`and head over to Oakland.
I'll post on Thursday as I won't be home tomorrow night. Good night. Oh..no clue if I can pick the winning Lottery numbers as I forgot to buy one!
She called a member of the iv team in and they were able to get the iv into the back of my left hand. She injected a substance and I had to go sit for 20 minutes while it circulated. Then she injected again and I laid on the same table I had for the bone scan. She hooked up three EKG wires and moved the camera over my heart. I had to lay still for 5 minutes, she moved the camera into another position, another 5 minutes and I was done.
My question is why is it, that no matter what time my appointment is during the day, I end up leaving Oakland at 5:00 p.m. when everyone ELSE in the world is trying to leave?
So..tomorrow is port day. I am nervous about that though I know it's the best thing for me. There will still be a "pinch" every time they use it just like the "pinch" when they try to insert the iv or needle BUT it will only happen once. The opening will be there ready to go. The tech today told me that they should be able to use it to also draw blood when needed. On rare occasions it won't work that way but I'm hoping I'm not one of those.
It's only 8 p.m. but I should get to bed soon. I can't eat after 6:30 a.m. tomorrow and there's no way I can last until after 1 or 1:30 without eating something. So I need to get up around 5:30 a.m. JUST TO EAT. Then I think I'll nap on the couch until 10:30 a.m. when it will be time to leave to pick up BDHA from the Hilton in dahntahn Pittsburgh`and head over to Oakland.
I'll post on Thursday as I won't be home tomorrow night. Good night. Oh..no clue if I can pick the winning Lottery numbers as I forgot to buy one!
Monday, December 15, 2008
Fasten Your Seatbelts....!
I was getting anxious because everything seemed to be moving in slow motion and I was worried that I was losing precious time. After my appointment with Dr. L. today, all that has changed.
Another doctor, Dr. R, examined me first. She then met with him and gave him her thoughts. He came in and corrected some of her opinions such as the size of the tumor. Dr. Z had been telling me approximately 4 centimeters. Dr. L was now saying 7 cm. I don't know if that means Dr. Z was wrong or it's grown that much in the last two months. Probably grown.
Tomorrow I have what is called a MUGA test (to see how strong my heart pumps), Wednesday I have the port placement and Monday I have my first chemo treatment. I had to give blood today for the port placement and when I told the lab tech that I was having a MUGA test tomorrow, I said "Sounds kinda like a Harry Potter thing". He said "yeah, we're testing you to see if you're a muggle" (Need to read the books if you don't know what that is). When I told BDHA about the "muggle" test, he said to use my powers to win the Powerball. I told him that unfortunately, I can't use it to better my own circumstances, otherwise I wouldn't have breast cancer. Duh~.
I will go through 4 cycles of chemotherapy; once every three weeks. Then they will decide either to start another treatment using a different medicine and surgery or surgery first. It depends on how the tumor behaves.
Dr. L seemed a little cranky when he first walked in but warmed up after that. He wasn't so certain that I did have Inflammatory Breast Cancer but he's going to treat me as if I did, just in case. Oh yeah..I'll have to make sure I look my best on Monday cause the hospital photographer is coming in to take a picture of me..okay..my breast...so they can monitor the redness. He even had a resident come in and take a look. Apparently they don't see breasts as fine as mine all that often...(a little humor never hurts).
So if I figured out the calendar correctly, my treatments are as follows:
1. 12/22/2008
2. 01/12/2009
3. 02/02/2009
4. 2/23/2009
Each treatment will last between 2.5 and 3 hours. MFD had a good idea. She said to take the mini DVR player I bought BDHA and watch movies while waiting. Good idea!
I should expect to lose my hair after the 2nd treatment. Time to go wig shopping. Dr. R said that I may have to take a few days off after the treatments because of fatigue but would be able to work the rest of the week. The real fatigue kicks in if they put me through a second round of medicine after these 4.
I was told to wash my hands constantly, wash fruits and veggies well and to eat well-cooked meats. No sushi (not a problem!). If I get a temp I'm to call them immediately.
For this next part, I need MoM, my mother-in-law and Mrs. P to cover their eyes. There was a sign on the wall in the examination room that talked about sex and chemo. It said that it could be hazardous. My first comment to BDHA was maybe that a certain body part might become radioactive and glow-in-the-dark. Kewl! Actually, it was stressing the importance of birth control and condoms in regards to birth defects and infections. The headline certainly drew my attention and made me read more.
It was a lot of sitting around and waiting but I'm relieved that a program has been put in place and I have a starting point.
I'll post tomorrow after my MUGA test and let you know if I'm able to pick the winning Lottery numbers.
Another doctor, Dr. R, examined me first. She then met with him and gave him her thoughts. He came in and corrected some of her opinions such as the size of the tumor. Dr. Z had been telling me approximately 4 centimeters. Dr. L was now saying 7 cm. I don't know if that means Dr. Z was wrong or it's grown that much in the last two months. Probably grown.
Tomorrow I have what is called a MUGA test (to see how strong my heart pumps), Wednesday I have the port placement and Monday I have my first chemo treatment. I had to give blood today for the port placement and when I told the lab tech that I was having a MUGA test tomorrow, I said "Sounds kinda like a Harry Potter thing". He said "yeah, we're testing you to see if you're a muggle" (Need to read the books if you don't know what that is). When I told BDHA about the "muggle" test, he said to use my powers to win the Powerball. I told him that unfortunately, I can't use it to better my own circumstances, otherwise I wouldn't have breast cancer. Duh~.
I will go through 4 cycles of chemotherapy; once every three weeks. Then they will decide either to start another treatment using a different medicine and surgery or surgery first. It depends on how the tumor behaves.
Dr. L seemed a little cranky when he first walked in but warmed up after that. He wasn't so certain that I did have Inflammatory Breast Cancer but he's going to treat me as if I did, just in case. Oh yeah..I'll have to make sure I look my best on Monday cause the hospital photographer is coming in to take a picture of me..okay..my breast...so they can monitor the redness. He even had a resident come in and take a look. Apparently they don't see breasts as fine as mine all that often...(a little humor never hurts).
So if I figured out the calendar correctly, my treatments are as follows:
1. 12/22/2008
2. 01/12/2009
3. 02/02/2009
4. 2/23/2009
Each treatment will last between 2.5 and 3 hours. MFD had a good idea. She said to take the mini DVR player I bought BDHA and watch movies while waiting. Good idea!
I should expect to lose my hair after the 2nd treatment. Time to go wig shopping. Dr. R said that I may have to take a few days off after the treatments because of fatigue but would be able to work the rest of the week. The real fatigue kicks in if they put me through a second round of medicine after these 4.
I was told to wash my hands constantly, wash fruits and veggies well and to eat well-cooked meats. No sushi (not a problem!). If I get a temp I'm to call them immediately.
For this next part, I need MoM, my mother-in-law and Mrs. P to cover their eyes. There was a sign on the wall in the examination room that talked about sex and chemo. It said that it could be hazardous. My first comment to BDHA was maybe that a certain body part might become radioactive and glow-in-the-dark. Kewl! Actually, it was stressing the importance of birth control and condoms in regards to birth defects and infections. The headline certainly drew my attention and made me read more.
It was a lot of sitting around and waiting but I'm relieved that a program has been put in place and I have a starting point.
I'll post tomorrow after my MUGA test and let you know if I'm able to pick the winning Lottery numbers.
Tuesday, December 9, 2008
Strange dreams
Today I had my ultrasound. Dr. Z wanted to know if the reason my breast was red was because it was filling up with fluid. I didn't know that along with the ultrasound prescription, he had faxed an order for a biopsy to drain the fluid, if any was found. They didn't find any fluid so they didn't do the biopsy. I'm relieved that there was no biopsy but on the other hand, it means it's a harder form of cancer to cure but still curable.
I took an Ativan yesterday morning and then one last night before bed. I still woke up a few times in the night but was able to fall back asleep fast. I slept deeper and had more dreams. The main one I remember is MFS showing me his report card. He received an "F" (he's been on the dean's list 5 out of 6 semesters and missed the 6th by a tenth of a point) in his class called "Man About Town". It was some radio program he had to listen to and he was always busy in the tv studio at the same time. Do NOT ask me why I thought he should take a class called that and I thought once I graduated from college, I was done with those kinds of dreams/nightmares. It was the drugs, man! I took another Ativan this morning and 1/2 a Zoloft and I can't quite tell any difference other than I am extremely tired now. I'll take another Ativan before bed.
I went in to work around 1:30 p.m. today and didn't leave until 9:00 p.m. I'm definitely ready for bed. I wonder what strange dreams I'll have tonight since I took the Zoloft. Maybe one where Mr. Whacko becomes a calm submissive well-adjusted dog (HA!).
I took an Ativan yesterday morning and then one last night before bed. I still woke up a few times in the night but was able to fall back asleep fast. I slept deeper and had more dreams. The main one I remember is MFS showing me his report card. He received an "F" (he's been on the dean's list 5 out of 6 semesters and missed the 6th by a tenth of a point) in his class called "Man About Town". It was some radio program he had to listen to and he was always busy in the tv studio at the same time. Do NOT ask me why I thought he should take a class called that and I thought once I graduated from college, I was done with those kinds of dreams/nightmares. It was the drugs, man! I took another Ativan this morning and 1/2 a Zoloft and I can't quite tell any difference other than I am extremely tired now. I'll take another Ativan before bed.
I went in to work around 1:30 p.m. today and didn't leave until 9:00 p.m. I'm definitely ready for bed. I wonder what strange dreams I'll have tonight since I took the Zoloft. Maybe one where Mr. Whacko becomes a calm submissive well-adjusted dog (HA!).
Monday, December 8, 2008
The directions say to not mix Zoloft and port...
Sorry if some of you were upset by yesterday's post but I can't pretend all the time to be upbeat and positive. I have to be able to vent now and then. It's healthier that way.
I received a call from my clinical coordinator today who told me that she had set up a tentative appointment to have the port put in on the 17th. This would be if it was okay with my meeting with Dr. L. on the 15th. She and Dr. Z didn't want me to have to wait to get an appointment after I met with Dr. L so they were proactive in getting me on the schedule now. I appreciate that. I guess they could tell I was getting anxious. It will be done as an out-patient. It looks like it will work out with BDHA's schedule too. He starts his flight that morning in Philly and the first thing he does is fly to Pittsburgh and is done at 8:30 a.m. My appointment is at 12:45 p.m. He's staying at a nice hotel downtown and I will come by and pick him up. We'll do the port thing and then head back to the hotel for dinner and spend the night. Then he'll head back to the airport the next morning and I'll head into work. That is, as long as we can convince MFD to take care of Mr. Whacko and I'm not in too much pain.
I saw my PCP today, Dr. B. This was more of a "how are you doing with all this shit going on in your life right now" meeting. He and I talked a lot about my feelings and how out of control I felt. He told me that this was a horrible thing I was dealing with and that I was probably trying to stay strong for family and friends and he didn't mind at all if I used my time with him to vent and I cry (which I did). I did feel so much better after knowing that I shouldn't be expected to be strong all the time. He said he could tell I hadn't given up and would continue to fight. He wanted to know if I thought I should take time off of work and I said no. Being at work with how hectic it is is the only time I feel "normal". I don't think about it. Nights and weekends are the worst. As a matter of fact, when I said that to my director at work today she said "You can work 24 hours a day if you want. I'm okay with that". Bet she doesn't realize how many times in the middle of the night I wish I could come in and work.
I did tell Dr. B that I wish I could just be numb and not so weepy all the time. Any time I have to talk about it to someone, I can't stop myself from crying. He told me to increase the ativan and he also prescribed Zoloft. He figures that I will need to be on it at least 6 months to get me through chemo and surgery and post-op stuff. He told me to not feel bad that I'm taking it because this is one of the most difficult things a human has to go through and it's there to help.
Tomorrow will be my first day taking it. I hate taking a new prescription if I'm not home. I have my ultrasound in the morning and have to be at work by 2:00 p.m. Let's hope that I don't get too loop-de-loop as Shirley Valentine would say {Favorite movie: Shirley Valentine}
BDHA put the lights on the tree today. We'll put the ornaments on when MFD and MFS are home. I love looking at the lights. I wonder if I can convince BDHA to keep the tree up until I'm through this process...probably not..the needles would be all over the place and would become a fire hazard. I'll take a nice picture and print it out to keep.
Good night all...
I received a call from my clinical coordinator today who told me that she had set up a tentative appointment to have the port put in on the 17th. This would be if it was okay with my meeting with Dr. L. on the 15th. She and Dr. Z didn't want me to have to wait to get an appointment after I met with Dr. L so they were proactive in getting me on the schedule now. I appreciate that. I guess they could tell I was getting anxious. It will be done as an out-patient. It looks like it will work out with BDHA's schedule too. He starts his flight that morning in Philly and the first thing he does is fly to Pittsburgh and is done at 8:30 a.m. My appointment is at 12:45 p.m. He's staying at a nice hotel downtown and I will come by and pick him up. We'll do the port thing and then head back to the hotel for dinner and spend the night. Then he'll head back to the airport the next morning and I'll head into work. That is, as long as we can convince MFD to take care of Mr. Whacko and I'm not in too much pain.
I saw my PCP today, Dr. B. This was more of a "how are you doing with all this shit going on in your life right now" meeting. He and I talked a lot about my feelings and how out of control I felt. He told me that this was a horrible thing I was dealing with and that I was probably trying to stay strong for family and friends and he didn't mind at all if I used my time with him to vent and I cry (which I did). I did feel so much better after knowing that I shouldn't be expected to be strong all the time. He said he could tell I hadn't given up and would continue to fight. He wanted to know if I thought I should take time off of work and I said no. Being at work with how hectic it is is the only time I feel "normal". I don't think about it. Nights and weekends are the worst. As a matter of fact, when I said that to my director at work today she said "You can work 24 hours a day if you want. I'm okay with that". Bet she doesn't realize how many times in the middle of the night I wish I could come in and work.
I did tell Dr. B that I wish I could just be numb and not so weepy all the time. Any time I have to talk about it to someone, I can't stop myself from crying. He told me to increase the ativan and he also prescribed Zoloft. He figures that I will need to be on it at least 6 months to get me through chemo and surgery and post-op stuff. He told me to not feel bad that I'm taking it because this is one of the most difficult things a human has to go through and it's there to help.
Tomorrow will be my first day taking it. I hate taking a new prescription if I'm not home. I have my ultrasound in the morning and have to be at work by 2:00 p.m. Let's hope that I don't get too loop-de-loop as Shirley Valentine would say {Favorite movie: Shirley Valentine}
BDHA put the lights on the tree today. We'll put the ornaments on when MFD and MFS are home. I love looking at the lights. I wonder if I can convince BDHA to keep the tree up until I'm through this process...probably not..the needles would be all over the place and would become a fire hazard. I'll take a nice picture and print it out to keep.
Good night all...
Sunday, December 7, 2008
I've changed my mind about.....
51 seconds left in the game, Pittsburgh is beating Dallas and I'm sipping Maker's Mark. Let's hope that their lead holds til the end of my post.
What have I changed my mind about recently:
MRIs:they're not so bad if you go to the right place.
Cutting down a fresh Christmas tree: I told BDHA last night that I didn't want to go this morning because it was going to be too cold. I did go and discovered I really do need to get myself a hat. A hat that FITS.
Taking the dog for a walk tonight: BDHA is trying to talk me into going...apparently he isn't reading my post as I type...it's TOO COLD OUT THERE.
Thinking pessimistically: This one is hard for me. MFS mentioned when he was home for Thanksgiving week that he viewed me as being a pessimistic person. He wanted to make sure that I was being as optimistic as possible to help get through this. Funny, I always thought of myself as being positive but trying to plan for every possible situtation.
I do find myself saying to myself when asked what I want for Christmas "why bother, it's not like I'll be around to enjoy it much." BDHA and I were in Tarjet and I showed him some Radko Christmas plate settings that I liked. He said we should get them and I said no..too much money. He said, well, after Christmas, when they're on clearance. I said no...because his new wife wouldn't appreciate using dishes that I had picked out. I need to stop thinking that way and I especially need to stop verbalizing it. Now don't anyone get upset. I'm posting this on purpose. I'm saying it here to get it out of my system.
Tomorrow I meet with Dr. B, my PCP. This is a normal check-up. He'll want to know how it's going with treatment. I'll have to tell him nothing has started YET.
Tuesday I have an ultrasound to see if the reason the right breast is red is because it's filling up with fluid and NOT because it's Inflammatory Breast Cancer. I think it's a waste of time, but I'm game.
I can no longer watch the NFL show with Terry Bradshaw without remembering him in his naked room in "Failure to Launch". A naked TB is NOT something you want in your head for ANY length of time.
Oh...the Steelers held on for the win. GO STEELERS!
What have I changed my mind about recently:
MRIs:they're not so bad if you go to the right place.
Cutting down a fresh Christmas tree: I told BDHA last night that I didn't want to go this morning because it was going to be too cold. I did go and discovered I really do need to get myself a hat. A hat that FITS.
Taking the dog for a walk tonight: BDHA is trying to talk me into going...apparently he isn't reading my post as I type...it's TOO COLD OUT THERE.
Thinking pessimistically: This one is hard for me. MFS mentioned when he was home for Thanksgiving week that he viewed me as being a pessimistic person. He wanted to make sure that I was being as optimistic as possible to help get through this. Funny, I always thought of myself as being positive but trying to plan for every possible situtation.
I do find myself saying to myself when asked what I want for Christmas "why bother, it's not like I'll be around to enjoy it much." BDHA and I were in Tarjet and I showed him some Radko Christmas plate settings that I liked. He said we should get them and I said no..too much money. He said, well, after Christmas, when they're on clearance. I said no...because his new wife wouldn't appreciate using dishes that I had picked out. I need to stop thinking that way and I especially need to stop verbalizing it. Now don't anyone get upset. I'm posting this on purpose. I'm saying it here to get it out of my system.
Tomorrow I meet with Dr. B, my PCP. This is a normal check-up. He'll want to know how it's going with treatment. I'll have to tell him nothing has started YET.
Tuesday I have an ultrasound to see if the reason the right breast is red is because it's filling up with fluid and NOT because it's Inflammatory Breast Cancer. I think it's a waste of time, but I'm game.
I can no longer watch the NFL show with Terry Bradshaw without remembering him in his naked room in "Failure to Launch". A naked TB is NOT something you want in your head for ANY length of time.
Oh...the Steelers held on for the win. GO STEELERS!
Wednesday, December 3, 2008
The big tube and Mothman
Woo hoo! Today was my third attempt at a breast MRI and I/it was successful!
We started for Kittanning and because of traffic, thought we were going to be late and miss the appointment. Kittanning is about 50 miles away. We made it just in time. There was some difficulty in starting the I.V. and they had to bring another person in to try. She was able to get it in on her first try.
This tube was much bigger and there was no problem. The walls didn't even touch me. The area that I had to lay on was also different. There was a slope up to the area where you had to fit your breasts into the holes vs the other tubes where you had to lay your chest on the hard plastic box and there wasn't any padding for your lower chest. The test took about 25 minutes and at times, I felt myself falling asleep. I had to keep myself awake because I wasn't sure that I wouldn't move if asleep and have to start the test over. If I ever have to do it again, I'm making the trip there and won't need to stress out about it. The people in the hospital were all really nice and helpful.
After the test, we drove into Kittanning itself and had lunch at a place called DizzyLizzie's. We got there at 2:30 p.m. and we had the place to ourselves. When paying the check I made mention of some pictures on the wall to the waitress who told me that the movie "The Mothman Prophecies" had been filmed in Kittanning. Richard Gere had eaten in the restaurant but it was before her time so she didn't get to meet him. As we left town, we drove over "the bridge". One of my biggest fears is driving over the bridges in Pittsburgh. I almost always think of that movie when I do.
I called my clinical coordinator and left a voice mail letting her know that the MRI was completed successfully and to please let Dr. Z. know. Such a huge weight has been lifted off of me..I'll sleep like a baby tonight.
And to MFD, yes, we will go to "Build-A-______" together along with MFS. He's balking at it. Talk him into it. I'm betting you'll make the cat.
We started for Kittanning and because of traffic, thought we were going to be late and miss the appointment. Kittanning is about 50 miles away. We made it just in time. There was some difficulty in starting the I.V. and they had to bring another person in to try. She was able to get it in on her first try.
This tube was much bigger and there was no problem. The walls didn't even touch me. The area that I had to lay on was also different. There was a slope up to the area where you had to fit your breasts into the holes vs the other tubes where you had to lay your chest on the hard plastic box and there wasn't any padding for your lower chest. The test took about 25 minutes and at times, I felt myself falling asleep. I had to keep myself awake because I wasn't sure that I wouldn't move if asleep and have to start the test over. If I ever have to do it again, I'm making the trip there and won't need to stress out about it. The people in the hospital were all really nice and helpful.
After the test, we drove into Kittanning itself and had lunch at a place called DizzyLizzie's. We got there at 2:30 p.m. and we had the place to ourselves. When paying the check I made mention of some pictures on the wall to the waitress who told me that the movie "The Mothman Prophecies" had been filmed in Kittanning. Richard Gere had eaten in the restaurant but it was before her time so she didn't get to meet him. As we left town, we drove over "the bridge". One of my biggest fears is driving over the bridges in Pittsburgh. I almost always think of that movie when I do.
I called my clinical coordinator and left a voice mail letting her know that the MRI was completed successfully and to please let Dr. Z. know. Such a huge weight has been lifted off of me..I'll sleep like a baby tonight.
And to MFD, yes, we will go to "Build-A-______" together along with MFS. He's balking at it. Talk him into it. I'm betting you'll make the cat.
Sunday, November 30, 2008
Another Sunday Gone By
MFS and I went to get his new tires. There was a line when we walked in at 10:10 a.m. on a Sunday morning. They told us 4-5 hours to install. It ended up only being 2.5 hours. I feel better knowing that he has at least two new tires. He left to go back to school around 3:45 p.m.
I picked up my friend, L, and we went to Ditka's (da Bearssss) for lunch for her birthday. She was worried that it would be too expensive. I told her that before I started working, BDHA and I used to go to nice restaurants for lunch because the menus were usually cheaper and you still got to enjoy the ambiance. We both had soups and salads and I had iced tea and the total bill WITH tax was $20.88. Not bad at all! They served this citrus-flavored butter with the bread basket which was really good.
Afterwards, we went to "Build-A-Bear". We giggled like little girls. The young man who helped us treated us as seriously as he did the real little girls there. We had to kiss the cloth hearts we picked out before we put them into the animal. He stuffed them and asked us if they were firm enough and then closed up their backs. Then we went over to the bathing area and pretended to bathe them. Air blew out of the sprinkler heads to get any stuffing off the animals. We then picked out clothes (Steelers of course!) and went to make the birth certificate on the computers set up along one side of the wall. I really liked the chairs. They had tops like bar stools that sat on these massive springs. I could have spent an hour bouncing up and down. You had to put in your age (took forever to scroll down to the 50's for the year) and then you had to name your animal.
Name him?!? I wasn't prepared for that. At least twice, the little pixie on the screen would say "Are you still there?!?!?" in case I had given up and walked away. My reply (where only L could hear me) was "Yes, damn you!". I wasn't prepared and I was getting all hot and sweaty and nervous thinking "Oh my gosh, what will I name him?" L named hers right away. She named him "Miracle". I finally decided on P.O. Depending on my mood that will either stand for "Positive Outlook" or "P*ssed Off".
They had all kinds of different animals to choose from. BDHA said that they should have called it "Build-An-Animal" instead if they were offering more than bears. So picky. There were dinosaurs, cats, dogs, bunnies, zebras, elephants and of course bears. I'm sure there were more that I just can't remember. L and I got the same one, the Christmas moose, the boy one with lights on his antlers that light up. I got the football for mine and she got a teeny terrible towel for hers. She's going to give the towel to her 15-month old grandson. We had a lot of fun doing it. I told her that there were things that I've always wanted to do that I've decided I am going to start doing. This was one of them. I've posted a picture of the moose at the end of this post.
Starting tomorrow, I will no longer be posting every day. I tried to post every day in November since it was national blogging month. From now on, I'll only post if something new happens or if I receive results from a test, etc.
Hope you all have a great rest of the weekend. GO STEELERS!
I picked up my friend, L, and we went to Ditka's (da Bearssss) for lunch for her birthday. She was worried that it would be too expensive. I told her that before I started working, BDHA and I used to go to nice restaurants for lunch because the menus were usually cheaper and you still got to enjoy the ambiance. We both had soups and salads and I had iced tea and the total bill WITH tax was $20.88. Not bad at all! They served this citrus-flavored butter with the bread basket which was really good.
Afterwards, we went to "Build-A-Bear". We giggled like little girls. The young man who helped us treated us as seriously as he did the real little girls there. We had to kiss the cloth hearts we picked out before we put them into the animal. He stuffed them and asked us if they were firm enough and then closed up their backs. Then we went over to the bathing area and pretended to bathe them. Air blew out of the sprinkler heads to get any stuffing off the animals. We then picked out clothes (Steelers of course!) and went to make the birth certificate on the computers set up along one side of the wall. I really liked the chairs. They had tops like bar stools that sat on these massive springs. I could have spent an hour bouncing up and down. You had to put in your age (took forever to scroll down to the 50's for the year) and then you had to name your animal.
Name him?!? I wasn't prepared for that. At least twice, the little pixie on the screen would say "Are you still there?!?!?" in case I had given up and walked away. My reply (where only L could hear me) was "Yes, damn you!". I wasn't prepared and I was getting all hot and sweaty and nervous thinking "Oh my gosh, what will I name him?" L named hers right away. She named him "Miracle". I finally decided on P.O. Depending on my mood that will either stand for "Positive Outlook" or "P*ssed Off".
They had all kinds of different animals to choose from. BDHA said that they should have called it "Build-An-Animal" instead if they were offering more than bears. So picky. There were dinosaurs, cats, dogs, bunnies, zebras, elephants and of course bears. I'm sure there were more that I just can't remember. L and I got the same one, the Christmas moose, the boy one with lights on his antlers that light up. I got the football for mine and she got a teeny terrible towel for hers. She's going to give the towel to her 15-month old grandson. We had a lot of fun doing it. I told her that there were things that I've always wanted to do that I've decided I am going to start doing. This was one of them. I've posted a picture of the moose at the end of this post.
Starting tomorrow, I will no longer be posting every day. I tried to post every day in November since it was national blogging month. From now on, I'll only post if something new happens or if I receive results from a test, etc.
Hope you all have a great rest of the weekend. GO STEELERS!
Saturday, November 29, 2008
Saturday
Today was a day of rest. Didn't do much of anything other than sleep, put the Thanksgiving dishes away, the table back down to it's normal size and read.
Tomorrow I'm taking MFS to get two new tires on his car (Christmas present) before he heads back to State College. State College is under a winter weather advisory all day tomorrow. He'll need the traction. I'm trying to talk him into taking Mr. Whacko with him. He'd be a great addition to the dorm.
I'm also meeting L, a friend of mine, for lunch. I'm taking her out for her birthday. I'm also taking her to "Build-a-Bear". She didn't seem too sure of that but I think it will be fun.
Night!
Tomorrow I'm taking MFS to get two new tires on his car (Christmas present) before he heads back to State College. State College is under a winter weather advisory all day tomorrow. He'll need the traction. I'm trying to talk him into taking Mr. Whacko with him. He'd be a great addition to the dorm.
I'm also meeting L, a friend of mine, for lunch. I'm taking her out for her birthday. I'm also taking her to "Build-a-Bear". She didn't seem too sure of that but I think it will be fun.
Night!
Friday, November 28, 2008
Black Friday
I looked at the ads last night and didn't see anything that grabbed me and said "Crawl out of your nice warm bed at an ungodly hour and hit the stores" so I slept in until 6:30 a.m. BDHA left on a trip this morning and will be home on Monday.
It was very quiet at work and afterwards, I met MFD and MFS at Hoss' for dinner. It's now 8:06 p.m. and I'm headed to bed. I'm exhausted.
If it weren't for Mr. Whacko, I'd sleep in until noon. Unfortunately, he's not the kind of dog that will allow you to do that.
Good night all....
It was very quiet at work and afterwards, I met MFD and MFS at Hoss' for dinner. It's now 8:06 p.m. and I'm headed to bed. I'm exhausted.
If it weren't for Mr. Whacko, I'd sleep in until noon. Unfortunately, he's not the kind of dog that will allow you to do that.
Good night all....
Thursday, November 27, 2008
Happy Thanksgiving!
Happy Thanksgiving everyone!
We had MFD and her fiance, MFS and our next-door neighbor. I've posted a picture of the table below. A good time and good eats were had by all. Everyone liked the pumpkin spice jell-o pie so it will make a showing again at Christmas.
I was supposed to have tomorrow off but because I need a few days off next week, I decided to go in. I'm scheduled for the MRI on Wednesday, the 3rd and another ultrasound on the 4th. I'll work half a day on the 4th. Dr. Z is wondering if the reason that the right breast is red is because it might be filling up with fluid, so another ultrasound.
I've gotten up early in the past and gone shopping on Black Friday before going into work. I'm not sure if I have the energy (physically or mentally) to go tomorrow before work. I haven't even looked at the ads. I'll try to do that before bed and if I see something that says "present for _________", I'll have to make myself go. Usually by this time I have lists of presents that I want to get and start looking for the deals. This year, since I've been so distracted, I have no clue what to get anyone yet.
I'm kicking myself because I forgot to post yesterday. All four of us had dinner together and decided to watch a movie. We saw "Tropic Thunder". By the time it was over, I was so tired, I went straight to bed and forgot all about posting until 6:00 a.m. this morning. Arrgh!
Hope you all had your fill of turkey!
We had MFD and her fiance, MFS and our next-door neighbor. I've posted a picture of the table below. A good time and good eats were had by all. Everyone liked the pumpkin spice jell-o pie so it will make a showing again at Christmas.
I was supposed to have tomorrow off but because I need a few days off next week, I decided to go in. I'm scheduled for the MRI on Wednesday, the 3rd and another ultrasound on the 4th. I'll work half a day on the 4th. Dr. Z is wondering if the reason that the right breast is red is because it might be filling up with fluid, so another ultrasound.
I've gotten up early in the past and gone shopping on Black Friday before going into work. I'm not sure if I have the energy (physically or mentally) to go tomorrow before work. I haven't even looked at the ads. I'll try to do that before bed and if I see something that says "present for _________", I'll have to make myself go. Usually by this time I have lists of presents that I want to get and start looking for the deals. This year, since I've been so distracted, I have no clue what to get anyone yet.
I'm kicking myself because I forgot to post yesterday. All four of us had dinner together and decided to watch a movie. We saw "Tropic Thunder". By the time it was over, I was so tired, I went straight to bed and forgot all about posting until 6:00 a.m. this morning. Arrgh!
Hope you all had your fill of turkey!
Tuesday, November 25, 2008
Chemo and Jello
BDHA and I had my meeting with Dr. Z at 1:15 p.m. today. He took a look at my right breast and said that he believed that it was Inflammatory Breast Cancer. He said he could tell that the skin was starting to harden. I felt the tumor and it seemed to be bigger also. He showed us the tumor on the cat-scan shots and pointed out where the skin was hardening. There was a definite difference between both breasts.
I now have to see the medical oncologist, Dr. L. They set me up with an appointment on December 15th. I asked Dr. Z what the plan was and he said that it would probably be 12 weeks of chemo, a mastectomy and then probably more chemo and possibly radiation. Depending on all my tests, Dr. L would determine what kind of chemo and length. I asked Dr. Z if a port could be put in for the chemo treatments as IVs and I don't get along. He said he could put one in on the left side up by my neck.
I still plan on trying for the breast mri. Might as well give them all the info possible. I never did receive a call back today from the scheduling department.
Now for something that made me happy today (oh the little things in life). About 6 weeks ago, BDHA and I were at a grocery store. I saw this display for pumpkin spice instant pudding and pie filling by Jello along with a recipe for a pie. By looking at the picture and not reading the recipe itself (doh!), I bought one box of the pumpkin spice and one box of the vanilla that were in the same display. I got home, read the recipe and realized that I needed TWO boxes of pumpkin spice. The vanilla was for the recipe on the back. I have been looking EVERYWHERE since I bought that first box to get another one. I should have known since the box said "Limited Edition". I couldn't find it and was disappointed. After my doctor's visit, we went to the commissary on the army reserve base and lo and behold, they had HUNDREDS of this "Limited Edition" flavor. I bought three more in case we like it so much at Thanksgiving I can make another for Christmas.
I think my day ended on an "up" note......
I now have to see the medical oncologist, Dr. L. They set me up with an appointment on December 15th. I asked Dr. Z what the plan was and he said that it would probably be 12 weeks of chemo, a mastectomy and then probably more chemo and possibly radiation. Depending on all my tests, Dr. L would determine what kind of chemo and length. I asked Dr. Z if a port could be put in for the chemo treatments as IVs and I don't get along. He said he could put one in on the left side up by my neck.
I still plan on trying for the breast mri. Might as well give them all the info possible. I never did receive a call back today from the scheduling department.
Now for something that made me happy today (oh the little things in life). About 6 weeks ago, BDHA and I were at a grocery store. I saw this display for pumpkin spice instant pudding and pie filling by Jello along with a recipe for a pie. By looking at the picture and not reading the recipe itself (doh!), I bought one box of the pumpkin spice and one box of the vanilla that were in the same display. I got home, read the recipe and realized that I needed TWO boxes of pumpkin spice. The vanilla was for the recipe on the back. I have been looking EVERYWHERE since I bought that first box to get another one. I should have known since the box said "Limited Edition". I couldn't find it and was disappointed. After my doctor's visit, we went to the commissary on the army reserve base and lo and behold, they had HUNDREDS of this "Limited Edition" flavor. I bought three more in case we like it so much at Thanksgiving I can make another for Christmas.
I think my day ended on an "up" note......
Monday, November 24, 2008
Tomorrow's the big day
I remembered to make my phone calls today but it wasn't until late in the day. I had to leave a message for the MRI scheduling department and they haven't called me back yet. When I called Dr. Z returning his call, I was surprised that he picked up. I figured I would have to leave a message.
He told me that the Cleveland Clinic probably wouldn't work either for the MRI. He asked me if the area was still red (yes) and if the skin was hardening (no). He then asked me how *I* was doing. I told him that I was getting anxious.
I think I'm leaning towards a mastectomy....I don't want there to be any question that he didn't get it all during surgery.
He told me that the Cleveland Clinic probably wouldn't work either for the MRI. He asked me if the area was still red (yes) and if the skin was hardening (no). He then asked me how *I* was doing. I told him that I was getting anxious.
I think I'm leaning towards a mastectomy....I don't want there to be any question that he didn't get it all during surgery.
Sunday, November 23, 2008
Another Sunday gone by
Well...two more days before the big day. I have to remember to return those phone calls tomorrow.
MFS and I went to lunch today at a place called Sharp Edge Bistro. They specialize in Belgium beers and food. I had the Belgium burger (lamb and beef) and Belgium frittes (french fries). It was pretty good. I've never had beer so I didn't try any of their offerings but I'm told they have an awesome selection. MFS had a BBQ burger and Belgium frittes. His burger had these carmelized onions that were delicious.
I should get to bed. Tomorrow is going to be one fun day at work.
Night.
MFS and I went to lunch today at a place called Sharp Edge Bistro. They specialize in Belgium beers and food. I had the Belgium burger (lamb and beef) and Belgium frittes (french fries). It was pretty good. I've never had beer so I didn't try any of their offerings but I'm told they have an awesome selection. MFS had a BBQ burger and Belgium frittes. His burger had these carmelized onions that were delicious.
I should get to bed. Tomorrow is going to be one fun day at work.
Night.
Saturday, November 22, 2008
Missed calls
I missed two calls yesterday while at work. My cell phone was in my purse and the volume was turned down. The first was from the scheduling department for the MRI at ACMH in Kittanning. The second was from Dr. Z. I gotta remember to keep it out and with me at all times. I'll have to try and remember to call both on Monday. Monday is going to be hectic at work (so was Friday) because it's the last day to close for the month for mortgage refinances. Friday I worked from 9:00 a.m. until 8:30 p.m. My co-team lead and I were the last to leave. That's why I keep working and will keep working as much as possible. It's so fast-paced that I have no time to dwell on personal issues.
I think MFS is due in tonight from Penn State. He's off this coming week for Thanksgiving break. Last I heard he was going to leave after the football game. Hopefully he can keep Mr. Whacko entertained. Mr. Whacko needs a new toy to chase (MFS).
Keep warm. It's freezing out there!
I think MFS is due in tonight from Penn State. He's off this coming week for Thanksgiving break. Last I heard he was going to leave after the football game. Hopefully he can keep Mr. Whacko entertained. Mr. Whacko needs a new toy to chase (MFS).
Keep warm. It's freezing out there!
Friday, November 21, 2008
Ruth
Some sad news. Ruth, the sister of a good friend of mine, passed away on November 19th from breast cancer. She was first diagnosed in 2001. Please keep her family in your prayers. Her blog may be found at: http://www.ruthsmusings.blogspot.com/
Good night.
Good night.
Thursday, November 20, 2008
Third Time's the Charm...
Dr. Z called me at work today to see if the redness was going down. He also asked if I had a fever at all. I told him no changes and no fever. I asked him if he knew if the Cleveland Clinic had a bigger tube. He said he would check into it. I told him that I would also check with my sister who works at Lutheran General in Chicago.
I looked online and found that ACMH in Kittanning, PA supposedly had a big tube. I called and spoke to an MRI tech. He said that they had the biggest tube made which was 70 cm. He said most were 52-55 cm. At least I think he said 70 cm. I called my sister and she checked with their MRI department and they said theirs was 77 cm. Anyways, I put in a call to ACMH's scheduling department and had to leave a message. Called Dr. Z back and left a message letting him know that I was trying to schedule another MRI.
The tech said that if it was a regular MRI I probably wouldn't have a problem in the smaller tube. It's because you have to take into account the coil that your chest is propped up on for a breast MRI. It cuts down on the available space. Anyways, I'm willing to try it again.
Steelers are on Thursday night football and currently the score is 10-7, Steelers. It's snowing out there and looks pretty darned cold. I am looking forward to my hot shower and heater!
I looked online and found that ACMH in Kittanning, PA supposedly had a big tube. I called and spoke to an MRI tech. He said that they had the biggest tube made which was 70 cm. He said most were 52-55 cm. At least I think he said 70 cm. I called my sister and she checked with their MRI department and they said theirs was 77 cm. Anyways, I put in a call to ACMH's scheduling department and had to leave a message. Called Dr. Z back and left a message letting him know that I was trying to schedule another MRI.
The tech said that if it was a regular MRI I probably wouldn't have a problem in the smaller tube. It's because you have to take into account the coil that your chest is propped up on for a breast MRI. It cuts down on the available space. Anyways, I'm willing to try it again.
Steelers are on Thursday night football and currently the score is 10-7, Steelers. It's snowing out there and looks pretty darned cold. I am looking forward to my hot shower and heater!
Wednesday, November 19, 2008
A Fantasy Come True
I don't think that the antibiotics are having any effect. I have two days left and nothing has changed. I've been researching Inflammatory Breast Cancer. The usual treatment seems to be chemo, mastectomy, chemo again and radiation. I have some of the symptoms, like stabbing pains in the area. I've had those for months and just thought it was from gravity paying me a visit and stretching things down...down...down (don't laugh). One way to diagnose it is an MRI (sigh).
I figure my options are as follows:
1. See if I can find a bigger tube
2. Get sedated before they stuff me in and hope they can get me out.
3. Just assume I have it and treat me as such.
(I'm leaning towards #3 myself)
On a lighter note, I did something tonight I've been fantasizing about every winter since 1997. Our house was built in 1914. The upstairs bathroom is above the kitchen and is the same size as the kitchen. I have a small kitchen but a HUGE bathroom. Three of the walls are outside walls and you can imagine with the lack of insulation available at the time this home was built (all brick), the bathroom gets pretty cold in the winter. Especially since it has two windows with the original 1914 glass. I usually take a hot shower every night before bed so that I'm warm and can fall asleep right away. Otherwise I have to have my live heater, BDHA. Since he's out of town a lot, it doesn't work out and Mr. Whacko kicks too much.
I bought a small ceramic heater, plugged that baby in and took my shower. The bathroom was nice and toasty afterward and it was a pleasure to put my nightgown on leisurely vs a race with the cold.
I tried this once before right after we moved in. I made the mistake of plugging in the heater, my hair dryer, had the Christmas lights on outside *and* MFD and MFS in their rooms with electronics galore turned on. "spfzzzzt!" A fuse was blown. We're not talking about going down to the basement and finding the fuse and flipping it back on. I had to find a glass fuse and screw it in. There are two fuse boxes for the house; one in the basement (modern) and one on the second floor (runs the second and third floor). The one on the second floor is pretty close to being the original one put in.
Anyways, tonight was a success...that is...until we put the Christmas lights up the day after Thanksgiving. Guess when I try it after that, I better have a flashlight and glass fuse ready.
I figure my options are as follows:
1. See if I can find a bigger tube
2. Get sedated before they stuff me in and hope they can get me out.
3. Just assume I have it and treat me as such.
(I'm leaning towards #3 myself)
On a lighter note, I did something tonight I've been fantasizing about every winter since 1997. Our house was built in 1914. The upstairs bathroom is above the kitchen and is the same size as the kitchen. I have a small kitchen but a HUGE bathroom. Three of the walls are outside walls and you can imagine with the lack of insulation available at the time this home was built (all brick), the bathroom gets pretty cold in the winter. Especially since it has two windows with the original 1914 glass. I usually take a hot shower every night before bed so that I'm warm and can fall asleep right away. Otherwise I have to have my live heater, BDHA. Since he's out of town a lot, it doesn't work out and Mr. Whacko kicks too much.
I bought a small ceramic heater, plugged that baby in and took my shower. The bathroom was nice and toasty afterward and it was a pleasure to put my nightgown on leisurely vs a race with the cold.
I tried this once before right after we moved in. I made the mistake of plugging in the heater, my hair dryer, had the Christmas lights on outside *and* MFD and MFS in their rooms with electronics galore turned on. "spfzzzzt!" A fuse was blown. We're not talking about going down to the basement and finding the fuse and flipping it back on. I had to find a glass fuse and screw it in. There are two fuse boxes for the house; one in the basement (modern) and one on the second floor (runs the second and third floor). The one on the second floor is pretty close to being the original one put in.
Anyways, tonight was a success...that is...until we put the Christmas lights up the day after Thanksgiving. Guess when I try it after that, I better have a flashlight and glass fuse ready.
Tuesday, November 18, 2008
Wishful Thinking...
It seems to me that the area of redness is getting smaller. Is it real or wishful thinking...?
Monday, November 17, 2008
Not a bad day....
Today was a mixed bag but I'm feeling pretty good about it.
The MRI didn't happen. We got up there around 9:45 for 10:15 check-in time. The registration clerk told me that the paperwork said it had been scheduled at MW in Pittsburgh. They fixed that. Then she handed me more paperwork, told me to back to the waiting area, fill it out and wait until someone came and asked for it. We sat there until 11:45 a.m. BDHA went back to the registration desk and asked why the delay. "Oh...you were supposed to bring the paperwork back to us when finished" (Not what we were told). Then they couldn't find the faxed prescription and bloodwork. Finally located that.
I went into the back with the technician, Kathy. She said that she would not put the I.V. in until it was determined whether I could complete the MRI. (Thank you, Kathy.) As the table went into the tube, it pressed against my hips and I started to panic. I decided that I couldn't do it. We left and I dreaded having to call Dr. Z and tell him.
Now for the news that took a huge weight off of me. Dr. Z called around 4 p.m. to tell me that the results were back from my CT and Bone scans. The scans did not show that the cancer had spread past the lymph nodes. Yay! He said that the lymph nodes under my right arm would need to be removed and we would talk about breast conserving surgery vs a mastectomy. He said that the chance of recurrence would be the same for both. He asked about the MRI and when I said that I couldn't go through with it, he said that at this time, the MRI was moot.
Then....
He asked about the "infection", the redness. I said I started the antibiotics on Saturday so was on my third day and I didn't notice any change yet. He was concerned about that. He said that there was the possibility of it not being an infection but Inflammatory Breast Cancer. I told him that I had been thinking about that too. He said that the MRI might have to come back on the table again. Arrgh. I'm supposed to call him on Friday to let him how it's going. Maybe I'll take a picture each day to see if I can tell it's changing.
I wanted to thank Janet and John P for the "Thinking of You" angel. It's beautiful. She's listening to a conch shell. I've posted a picture below. I have such good friends evn though I don't see them as often as I should.
*I* think it was a good day. I feel calmer, more relaxed knowing it hasn't gone past the lymph nodes and right now the rest of me is "clean".
The MRI didn't happen. We got up there around 9:45 for 10:15 check-in time. The registration clerk told me that the paperwork said it had been scheduled at MW in Pittsburgh. They fixed that. Then she handed me more paperwork, told me to back to the waiting area, fill it out and wait until someone came and asked for it. We sat there until 11:45 a.m. BDHA went back to the registration desk and asked why the delay. "Oh...you were supposed to bring the paperwork back to us when finished" (Not what we were told). Then they couldn't find the faxed prescription and bloodwork. Finally located that.
I went into the back with the technician, Kathy. She said that she would not put the I.V. in until it was determined whether I could complete the MRI. (Thank you, Kathy.) As the table went into the tube, it pressed against my hips and I started to panic. I decided that I couldn't do it. We left and I dreaded having to call Dr. Z and tell him.
Now for the news that took a huge weight off of me. Dr. Z called around 4 p.m. to tell me that the results were back from my CT and Bone scans. The scans did not show that the cancer had spread past the lymph nodes. Yay! He said that the lymph nodes under my right arm would need to be removed and we would talk about breast conserving surgery vs a mastectomy. He said that the chance of recurrence would be the same for both. He asked about the MRI and when I said that I couldn't go through with it, he said that at this time, the MRI was moot.
Then....
He asked about the "infection", the redness. I said I started the antibiotics on Saturday so was on my third day and I didn't notice any change yet. He was concerned about that. He said that there was the possibility of it not being an infection but Inflammatory Breast Cancer. I told him that I had been thinking about that too. He said that the MRI might have to come back on the table again. Arrgh. I'm supposed to call him on Friday to let him how it's going. Maybe I'll take a picture each day to see if I can tell it's changing.
I wanted to thank Janet and John P for the "Thinking of You" angel. It's beautiful. She's listening to a conch shell. I've posted a picture below. I have such good friends evn though I don't see them as often as I should.
*I* think it was a good day. I feel calmer, more relaxed knowing it hasn't gone past the lymph nodes and right now the rest of me is "clean".
Sunday, November 16, 2008
The Night Before
Tomorrow morning I have my breast MRI. I'm not looking forward to it and I'm at the point where I have to talk myself into going.
My first fear is fear of the I.V. My veins don't like them. The backs of my left and right hands are still bruised from the attempts on Friday. My right arm (inside elbow) is also bruised from an attempt.
My second fear is of the tube itself. They make you lie on your stomach on the table. Your chest is laying on top of this rectangle-shaped plastic box that your breasts fit into. The edge of the plastic box cuts into your breast bone. They then strap you down. Ever since I was a kid, I've had a fear of being held down and not being able to breathe. I have to be able to put up with this for 25 minutes. That's even if I fit into the tube.
My BDHA is going with me and he won't let me back out. At least he'll make me show up.
Wish me good luck.
My first fear is fear of the I.V. My veins don't like them. The backs of my left and right hands are still bruised from the attempts on Friday. My right arm (inside elbow) is also bruised from an attempt.
My second fear is of the tube itself. They make you lie on your stomach on the table. Your chest is laying on top of this rectangle-shaped plastic box that your breasts fit into. The edge of the plastic box cuts into your breast bone. They then strap you down. Ever since I was a kid, I've had a fear of being held down and not being able to breathe. I have to be able to put up with this for 25 minutes. That's even if I fit into the tube.
My BDHA is going with me and he won't let me back out. At least he'll make me show up.
Wish me good luck.
Saturday, November 15, 2008
Shining, gleaming, streaming, flaxen, waxen
Today I had my hair colored (for the last time for who knows how long). I usually have highlights in the summer and in the fall, I go back to the darker color. I talked to my stylist that I've been going to for years and told her about the "C". I asked for recommendations for wig companies and if she would be willing to "style" the wig later. She told me that she's had clients in the past who've gone through what I'm going through. She said when the time came for one, she shaved her head for her back in one of the facial rooms. I've decided when my time comes, I'm going to have a party. I'll have MFD there, maybe a few other friends and a bottle of champagne. Might as well try to make a positive thing out of it. It's funny, but when I think about it, I'm more upset about losing my hair than losing a breast. She said that's because it's easier to hide a missing breast than missing hair..she's a wise stylist.
Friday, November 14, 2008
A Sucessful Day...Finally!
Today I picked up my films for my MRI on Monday, saw Dr. Z (impromptu) and successfully completed the CT/Bone scan. A good day!
I saw Dr. Z because my right breast was red. It didn't look happy. My intention was to stop by the office while in the hospital and see if I could get an appointment for next week for him to take a look. He didn't have office hours today but was in the hospital and came down to see me immediately. Now that is service. He ended up giving me a script for an antibiotic and asked that I call him next week to let him know how it's going. I asked him if I wasn't able to complete the MRI, would I not be able to be treated? He said absolutely not. He said that they weren't even sure that breast MRI's gave more information that they already had from other tests. I told him that if I had to have the MRI, I'd go to Chicago cause I was sure someone had the right tube there. He told me he was from Chicago. I said "Yes, you went to the University of Illinios Chicago medical school. I checked you out". He was amused.
The CT and Bone scans were easy except for trying to start the IV. I need to drink more fluids!
All in all, a good day.
I saw Dr. Z because my right breast was red. It didn't look happy. My intention was to stop by the office while in the hospital and see if I could get an appointment for next week for him to take a look. He didn't have office hours today but was in the hospital and came down to see me immediately. Now that is service. He ended up giving me a script for an antibiotic and asked that I call him next week to let him know how it's going. I asked him if I wasn't able to complete the MRI, would I not be able to be treated? He said absolutely not. He said that they weren't even sure that breast MRI's gave more information that they already had from other tests. I told him that if I had to have the MRI, I'd go to Chicago cause I was sure someone had the right tube there. He told me he was from Chicago. I said "Yes, you went to the University of Illinios Chicago medical school. I checked you out". He was amused.
The CT and Bone scans were easy except for trying to start the IV. I need to drink more fluids!
All in all, a good day.
Thursday, November 13, 2008
Where are House and Wilson when you need them?
I keep waiting for House and Wilson to walk in to save the day. They'll tell me that there was a mistake, a mix-up, it's just a benign cyst that has to be removed.
Then I wake up as the announcer says "We now return you to your regularly scheduled programming."
I'm sitting here watching CHAS taunt Mr. Whacko. Thing is Mr. Whacko is so big he could make CHAS disappear by just breathing in heavily but neither one realizes it. I've posted pictures of both below.
I also wanted to thank Cyd and the "P" family. I came home from work today and there was a package containing three amaryllis bulbs with a note saying that they hope that I get through this as quickly as these flowers grow. I usually buy a few of these bulbs every year around Thanksgiving and grow one at home and one at work. They are beautiful flowers and will have special meaning this year. Thank you so much. You don't know how much it's appreciated.
CHAS
MR. WHACKO
Then I wake up as the announcer says "We now return you to your regularly scheduled programming."
I'm sitting here watching CHAS taunt Mr. Whacko. Thing is Mr. Whacko is so big he could make CHAS disappear by just breathing in heavily but neither one realizes it. I've posted pictures of both below.
I also wanted to thank Cyd and the "P" family. I came home from work today and there was a package containing three amaryllis bulbs with a note saying that they hope that I get through this as quickly as these flowers grow. I usually buy a few of these bulbs every year around Thanksgiving and grow one at home and one at work. They are beautiful flowers and will have special meaning this year. Thank you so much. You don't know how much it's appreciated.
CHAS
MR. WHACKO
Wednesday, November 12, 2008
Let's try this again.
The Breast MRI is scheduled at another hospital north of Pittsburgh at 9:30 a.m. on Monday, November 17th. Keep your fingers crossed that I make it through the test. If not, I guess I'm making a trip to Chicago to find a hospital there that can do the test.
I still have my CT/Bone scan at MW on Friday.
And I have an appointment with Dr. Z on November 25th to go over everything. All the test results should be in by then.
I still have my CT/Bone scan at MW on Friday.
And I have an appointment with Dr. Z on November 25th to go over everything. All the test results should be in by then.
Tuesday, November 11, 2008
ANOTHER delay
Today was not a good day. I was supposed to be at MWH at 1:15 p.m. for bloodwork before the MRI. I got a call at work that one of the imaging machines was down and to call before I left to see if they were still behind. They ended up calling me again at noon to tell me that they could re-schedule me for 5:00 p.m. at another hospital. I said fine, left work, went home ate lunch and took a nap. Around 3:00 p.m. they called again and said that they could see me at 5:00 p.m. but at my hospital. Fine.
They inserted the IV and I sat in a waiting room with 4 other women. One had been waiting since 1:15 p.m. I finally was taken into the MRI room at 7:30 p.m. and laid down on the table on my stomach. Unfortunately they discovered that they could not strap me down tight enough without it hurting my back so that I could fit into the tube. They were unable to do the test.
They told me that I had to go to a different hospital that had a different set-up to get the MRI. I have to call this other hospital tomorrow morning to see how soon I can get in. I'm also assuming that I'll have to reschedule my CT/Bone scan. Another delay. So frustrating...it's extremely upsetting to not be able to get this completed.
I DON'T WANT TO DO THIS ANYMORE!
They inserted the IV and I sat in a waiting room with 4 other women. One had been waiting since 1:15 p.m. I finally was taken into the MRI room at 7:30 p.m. and laid down on the table on my stomach. Unfortunately they discovered that they could not strap me down tight enough without it hurting my back so that I could fit into the tube. They were unable to do the test.
They told me that I had to go to a different hospital that had a different set-up to get the MRI. I have to call this other hospital tomorrow morning to see how soon I can get in. I'm also assuming that I'll have to reschedule my CT/Bone scan. Another delay. So frustrating...it's extremely upsetting to not be able to get this completed.
I DON'T WANT TO DO THIS ANYMORE!
Monday, November 10, 2008
Hurry up and wait....
Tomorrow I'm scheduled to have my breast MRI. I'm getting closer to the goal of finding out what treatment I need and when I can start.
It's been 7 long weeks since I found the lump. Everything I read says "Don't be in a hurry to make any decisions. You have time. Don't make a decision that you may end up regretting later just because you want to do something."
I want all this testing to be done and to know what's ahead of me so I can plan for it, both emotionally and physically. I just hope that these past 7 weeks of "doing nothing" haven't harmed me in some way. I can hear my cancer cells partying thinking that no one's on to them.
I just want to know....
It's been 7 long weeks since I found the lump. Everything I read says "Don't be in a hurry to make any decisions. You have time. Don't make a decision that you may end up regretting later just because you want to do something."
I want all this testing to be done and to know what's ahead of me so I can plan for it, both emotionally and physically. I just hope that these past 7 weeks of "doing nothing" haven't harmed me in some way. I can hear my cancer cells partying thinking that no one's on to them.
I just want to know....
Sunday, November 9, 2008
Loving and Hating Sundays
I love Sundays.
I hate Sundays.
I love Sundays because it's the only day that I can do nothing and not feel guilty (okay, not too guilty).
I hate Sundays because it means that I have to go to work tomorrow.
Don't get me wrong, I love what I do, but the politics get to me.
Today I did absolutely nothing. Well...I did get up at 6:30 a.m. and start the bacon and make the waffle batter from scratch. This means separating eggs and beating the egg whites. Both MFD and MFS were there for breakfast. MFD did leave for her convention and MFS left to go back to Penn State.
I did start and almost finish a book "Definitely Dead" by Charlaine Harris. She's my new favorite author. This is the third book of hers that I have read in the past week.
I did watch the Steelers game (sucked).
I did take a nice long nap in the chair with CHAS on my lap.
And the best part? I did all of this without getting out of my nightgown. As BDHA would say "What a blob!". I find that I need a day like this now and then. I didn't think once about "C" (until I remembered I had to post).
Good night.....
I hate Sundays.
I love Sundays because it's the only day that I can do nothing and not feel guilty (okay, not too guilty).
I hate Sundays because it means that I have to go to work tomorrow.
Don't get me wrong, I love what I do, but the politics get to me.
Today I did absolutely nothing. Well...I did get up at 6:30 a.m. and start the bacon and make the waffle batter from scratch. This means separating eggs and beating the egg whites. Both MFD and MFS were there for breakfast. MFD did leave for her convention and MFS left to go back to Penn State.
I did start and almost finish a book "Definitely Dead" by Charlaine Harris. She's my new favorite author. This is the third book of hers that I have read in the past week.
I did watch the Steelers game (sucked).
I did take a nice long nap in the chair with CHAS on my lap.
And the best part? I did all of this without getting out of my nightgown. As BDHA would say "What a blob!". I find that I need a day like this now and then. I didn't think once about "C" (until I remembered I had to post).
Good night.....
Saturday, November 8, 2008
Recriminations
I've been reading a book on Breast Cancer Treatment Options today. I'm trying to write down all the questions I have so that I can bombard Dr. Z at our meeting. I've been very careful to look only at books that have been published or updated within the last year. There have been so many changes/advances in treatment options, it almost seems a waste of time to read anything older than that.
I keep coming across the possible causes of breast cancer. No one knows for sure but here may be some:
1. Close family member--Nope, not aware of anyone
2. Smoking--Never smoked
3. Birth control pills--Never used
4. Alcohol--I'm the designated driver.
5. Red Meat--Okay, we have a winner here. I love beef.
6. Grilling--We grill year around.
7. Overweight--That's me too.
So what would I do differently (change my mind about) if I had a do-over?
1. I'd maintain a healthier weight, eat healthier and exercise.
2. When I was told that I had "issues" with my left breast, I would have kept going in for the mammograms instead of deciding in 2002 I was done with worrying about it.
I did tell BDHA today that I was going to beat this only because I earned the right to make his life a living hell for the next 30 years and no way was I going to allow another woman to take my place. We've been married for 30 years and together for 36. We started dating when I was 15 and he was 17. Whatever it takes to motivate. (Disclaimer: That is, if I choose to make his life a living hell, which at this time, I don't :). )
It's getting pretty late and I should get to bed soon. MFS is heading back to school tomorrow morning and MFD has to drive to Valley Forge for a librarian's convention. We're having breakfast here at 7:30 a.m. Waffles from scratch and bacon. No bacon for me, I'll have homemade turkey sausage.
Oh...Penn State lost. That sucks.
I keep coming across the possible causes of breast cancer. No one knows for sure but here may be some:
1. Close family member--Nope, not aware of anyone
2. Smoking--Never smoked
3. Birth control pills--Never used
4. Alcohol--I'm the designated driver.
5. Red Meat--Okay, we have a winner here. I love beef.
6. Grilling--We grill year around.
7. Overweight--That's me too.
So what would I do differently (change my mind about) if I had a do-over?
1. I'd maintain a healthier weight, eat healthier and exercise.
2. When I was told that I had "issues" with my left breast, I would have kept going in for the mammograms instead of deciding in 2002 I was done with worrying about it.
I did tell BDHA today that I was going to beat this only because I earned the right to make his life a living hell for the next 30 years and no way was I going to allow another woman to take my place. We've been married for 30 years and together for 36. We started dating when I was 15 and he was 17. Whatever it takes to motivate. (Disclaimer: That is, if I choose to make his life a living hell, which at this time, I don't :). )
It's getting pretty late and I should get to bed soon. MFS is heading back to school tomorrow morning and MFD has to drive to Valley Forge for a librarian's convention. We're having breakfast here at 7:30 a.m. Waffles from scratch and bacon. No bacon for me, I'll have homemade turkey sausage.
Oh...Penn State lost. That sucks.
Friday, November 7, 2008
Tired..
This week has been very emotional. Now that Friday is here, I'm just tired. Too tired to think of anything to post other than MFS has come in for the weekend. We're going to lay around the house tomorrow and watch the Penn State vs Iowa game.
I did have a favor to ask of all who might post a comment. If you could sign your first name, I would appreciate it. Would help me from wracking my brain trying to figure out who posted.
Good night all....
I did have a favor to ask of all who might post a comment. If you could sign your first name, I would appreciate it. Would help me from wracking my brain trying to figure out who posted.
Good night all....
Thursday, November 6, 2008
WHAWC
Tonight I am missing a WHAWC (women's club) meeting. I was president in the early '90's and ended up leaving the club because of differences in opinion on how the club should function. (Me, community awareness and charity work. Them, social club)
My friend, "L", talked me into re-joining this year. She wanted to bring the club back to it's glory days and asked that I co-chair the Ways & Means committee along with her and another past president who had also resigned.
At the first meeting held the beginning of September, the president announced the charity we would be working to raise money for. Can you guess? The Susan G. Komen Foundation. Three weeks later I found the lump.
So today, I think I've changed my mind about being a WHAWC member. I don't want to become their poster child. "L" says I don't have to decide just yet. I'll think about it a little while longer.....
My friend, "L", talked me into re-joining this year. She wanted to bring the club back to it's glory days and asked that I co-chair the Ways & Means committee along with her and another past president who had also resigned.
At the first meeting held the beginning of September, the president announced the charity we would be working to raise money for. Can you guess? The Susan G. Komen Foundation. Three weeks later I found the lump.
So today, I think I've changed my mind about being a WHAWC member. I don't want to become their poster child. "L" says I don't have to decide just yet. I'll think about it a little while longer.....
Wednesday, November 5, 2008
Scanning and Slacking...
I stayed home from work to schedule the MRI, CT Scan and Bone scan. Now that that's done, what do I do for the rest of the day? I feel guilty that I'm leaving my co-workers in the lurch. It's only 9:.10 a.m....I don't officially start until 9:30 a.m. I could make it in....
The Breast MRI is scheduled for Tuesday, 11/11. I have to be there at 1:15 p.m. for blood work first.
The combination CT/Bone Scan is scheduled for Friday, 11/14. I have to be there by noon.
Another two days off work where someone has to pick up my slack. You'd think I had a jewish mother with all the guilt I've been feeling.
Speaking of mothers (Hi Mom), I finally told mine last night. She knew that I had found a mass the end of September, but I deliberately did not tell her anything more until I knew for certain it was "C". I gave her this website so hopefully her computer will be agreeable and let her log on and keep up-to-date.
I think I'm going to go visit MFD (My Favorite Daughter) at the library today. Maybe BDHA (Best Damned Husband Alive) will go to lunch with me. He was hoping on doing yard work since the weather is supposed to be nice but I think I can convince him to do lunch first.
Oh...I also need to let MFS (My Favorite Son) know the latest. He's a senior at Penn State, State College Campus and is extremely busy with his life in telecommunications. I'm sure his sister will keep him in the loop.
The Breast MRI is scheduled for Tuesday, 11/11. I have to be there at 1:15 p.m. for blood work first.
The combination CT/Bone Scan is scheduled for Friday, 11/14. I have to be there by noon.
Another two days off work where someone has to pick up my slack. You'd think I had a jewish mother with all the guilt I've been feeling.
Speaking of mothers (Hi Mom), I finally told mine last night. She knew that I had found a mass the end of September, but I deliberately did not tell her anything more until I knew for certain it was "C". I gave her this website so hopefully her computer will be agreeable and let her log on and keep up-to-date.
I think I'm going to go visit MFD (My Favorite Daughter) at the library today. Maybe BDHA (Best Damned Husband Alive) will go to lunch with me. He was hoping on doing yard work since the weather is supposed to be nice but I think I can convince him to do lunch first.
Oh...I also need to let MFS (My Favorite Son) know the latest. He's a senior at Penn State, State College Campus and is extremely busy with his life in telecommunications. I'm sure his sister will keep him in the loop.
Tuesday, November 4, 2008
Anxious again
I found out this morning that my "C" surgeon had called yesterday afternoon at 4:00 p.m. and left a message asking for a call back. Why do they keep calling the home phone when I'm not there even though I have asked them to call my cell phone...?
I called him back this morning but all you can do is leave a message. I've read that when they call you late in the day it's always bad news so that they have more time to spend with you.
I wonder when I'll get the call back today....
The other shoe dropped....
Dr. Z. called around 4:30 p.m. Not good news but also not unexpected.
Good news: Left breast--benign. (This is the one that they've been watching since 1992)
Bad news: Right breast--cancer
More bad news: It's spread to the lymph node they biopsied.
More bad news: Does not express estrogen/progesterone positive (doesn't respond to today's wonder drug of choice, Tamoxifen.
He told me that it was the most common breast cancer--Ductal Carcinoma (One time I'm glad I'm not that special)
He also told me the tumor was 4 centimeters and aggressive.
What's next?
I need a breast MRI.
I need a CAT scan of my chest, pelvis and abdomen
I need a Bone scan
Once I have all of those, I am to call him and we'll sit down and go over my options.
I made mention that I was supposed to be on vacation this week in San Francisco. He asked why I didn't go. I said "Because I was waiting for you". He felt bad that I missed my vacation but I'm betting not as bad as I feel.
What would I change my mind about today? I wouldn't change hearing the news. It's amazing how much better one feels when one KNOWS, even if it's bad news. I don't know all the little things (like has it spread to other parts of my body), but I know more than I did yesterday.
I feel calmer right now. Oh wait..that's probably due to the gin martini....
I called him back this morning but all you can do is leave a message. I've read that when they call you late in the day it's always bad news so that they have more time to spend with you.
I wonder when I'll get the call back today....
The other shoe dropped....
Dr. Z. called around 4:30 p.m. Not good news but also not unexpected.
Good news: Left breast--benign. (This is the one that they've been watching since 1992)
Bad news: Right breast--cancer
More bad news: It's spread to the lymph node they biopsied.
More bad news: Does not express estrogen/progesterone positive (doesn't respond to today's wonder drug of choice, Tamoxifen.
He told me that it was the most common breast cancer--Ductal Carcinoma (One time I'm glad I'm not that special)
He also told me the tumor was 4 centimeters and aggressive.
What's next?
I need a breast MRI.
I need a CAT scan of my chest, pelvis and abdomen
I need a Bone scan
Once I have all of those, I am to call him and we'll sit down and go over my options.
I made mention that I was supposed to be on vacation this week in San Francisco. He asked why I didn't go. I said "Because I was waiting for you". He felt bad that I missed my vacation but I'm betting not as bad as I feel.
What would I change my mind about today? I wouldn't change hearing the news. It's amazing how much better one feels when one KNOWS, even if it's bad news. I don't know all the little things (like has it spread to other parts of my body), but I know more than I did yesterday.
I feel calmer right now. Oh wait..that's probably due to the gin martini....
Monday, November 3, 2008
The letters of the Alphabet
I saw my primary care physician today. This appointment was set up back in August before "C" entered my life. I have to say that I feel good about having Dr. B as my PCP. He seems very caring and has led me to the doctors down at MWSA. He said that if he had a family member going through what I am going through, he would recommend that they go there versus staying at SVH which is where his office is located.
My blood sugar was elevated since my last visit (gee, could it be all that chocolate I've been stressing out on for the last month?). He also had me get the flu shot. I haven't had the flu for 15 years but he talked me into it last year. And now, with what's looming over me ("C"), I probably should try to stay as healthy as possible. Whatever.
I asked if he could prescribe a new drug that would stop me from being so weepy all the time (whenever I think about it). He said that I needed to take the Ativan every day and that should help. I had been only taking it when I had to go to work. I was afraid of running out but I looked at his prescription pad and it had plenty of sheets left so I guess my connection is set for now.
I told him that I had been reading up on stuff which was upsetting. I wanted to know what stage I was, etc. He told me that all they would be able to tell from the biopsy was whether or not it was "C". They wouldn't know the stage until they removed the mass and tested that. Typing this now, I feel calmer knowing that I won't get the really bad news this week (terminal, inoperable, all those scary words) or it maybe it's just the Ativan kicking in. If I topped it off with a gin martini, I'm sure I could get through the day without any problems.
I was supposed to be on vacation this week but I called it off. I may need those days later this year so I have to go in to work at 2:00 p.m. This is the part that I dread the most; people asking me how I'm doing, feeling, is there anything they can do... That's why I decided to blog, in order to point people to here and not have to talk about it ALL THE TIME. Besides, my daughter, the librarian, told me that November was National Blogging Month and that I *had* to do it. Don't you do everything your children tell you to do?
So what did I change my mind about today...no vacation to San Francisco this week, however, I may take Friday off and hubby and I will take a three-day trip somewhere close. He was talking about Boston. I can't remember if I've ever been.
I hope I can make it through work today.
My blood sugar was elevated since my last visit (gee, could it be all that chocolate I've been stressing out on for the last month?). He also had me get the flu shot. I haven't had the flu for 15 years but he talked me into it last year. And now, with what's looming over me ("C"), I probably should try to stay as healthy as possible. Whatever.
I asked if he could prescribe a new drug that would stop me from being so weepy all the time (whenever I think about it). He said that I needed to take the Ativan every day and that should help. I had been only taking it when I had to go to work. I was afraid of running out but I looked at his prescription pad and it had plenty of sheets left so I guess my connection is set for now.
I told him that I had been reading up on stuff which was upsetting. I wanted to know what stage I was, etc. He told me that all they would be able to tell from the biopsy was whether or not it was "C". They wouldn't know the stage until they removed the mass and tested that. Typing this now, I feel calmer knowing that I won't get the really bad news this week (terminal, inoperable, all those scary words) or it maybe it's just the Ativan kicking in. If I topped it off with a gin martini, I'm sure I could get through the day without any problems.
I was supposed to be on vacation this week but I called it off. I may need those days later this year so I have to go in to work at 2:00 p.m. This is the part that I dread the most; people asking me how I'm doing, feeling, is there anything they can do... That's why I decided to blog, in order to point people to here and not have to talk about it ALL THE TIME. Besides, my daughter, the librarian, told me that November was National Blogging Month and that I *had* to do it. Don't you do everything your children tell you to do?
So what did I change my mind about today...no vacation to San Francisco this week, however, I may take Friday off and hubby and I will take a three-day trip somewhere close. He was talking about Boston. I can't remember if I've ever been.
I hope I can make it through work today.
Sunday, November 2, 2008
Biopsy
On October 30, 2008, both of my breasts were biopsied along with a lymph node. The way they identified you before each procedure was to ask you for your birthdate. I asked if I gave the wrong date could I go home and not have to go through with it? Nope. They wouldn't let me change my mind.
Before they start, they explain what they're going to do. Hearing it was more frightening then the actual procedure. For the uninitiated, they stick a needle in one of the most sensitive areas of the body. They tell you you will hear this loud click and to not jump. If I understand correctly, a little pincer comes out, grabs a piece of flesh and rips it out. Considering how scary it sounded, there really was no pain after they numbed the area. The stress, however, was incredible. The results won't be available for 3-5 business days.
So I'm waiting.... Who do I tell that I've changed my mind and I don't want to ride this ride?
Before they start, they explain what they're going to do. Hearing it was more frightening then the actual procedure. For the uninitiated, they stick a needle in one of the most sensitive areas of the body. They tell you you will hear this loud click and to not jump. If I understand correctly, a little pincer comes out, grabs a piece of flesh and rips it out. Considering how scary it sounded, there really was no pain after they numbed the area. The stress, however, was incredible. The results won't be available for 3-5 business days.
So I'm waiting.... Who do I tell that I've changed my mind and I don't want to ride this ride?
Saturday, November 1, 2008
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