Anxious again

I found out this morning that my "C" surgeon had called yesterday afternoon at 4:00 p.m. and left a message asking for a call back. Why do they keep calling the home phone when I'm not there even though I have asked them to call my cell phone...?

I called him back this morning but all you can do is leave a message. I've read that when they call you late in the day it's always bad news so that they have more time to spend with you.

I wonder when I'll get the call back today....

The other shoe dropped....

Dr. Z. called around 4:30 p.m. Not good news but also not unexpected.

Good news: Left breast--benign. (This is the one that they've been watching since 1992)
Bad news: Right breast--cancer
More bad news: It's spread to the lymph node they biopsied.
More bad news: Does not express estrogen/progesterone positive (doesn't respond to today's wonder drug of choice, Tamoxifen.

He told me that it was the most common breast cancer--Ductal Carcinoma (One time I'm glad I'm not that special)

He also told me the tumor was 4 centimeters and aggressive.

What's next?
I need a breast MRI.
I need a CAT scan of my chest, pelvis and abdomen
I need a Bone scan

Once I have all of those, I am to call him and we'll sit down and go over my options.

I made mention that I was supposed to be on vacation this week in San Francisco. He asked why I didn't go. I said "Because I was waiting for you". He felt bad that I missed my vacation but I'm betting not as bad as I feel.

What would I change my mind about today? I wouldn't change hearing the news. It's amazing how much better one feels when one KNOWS, even if it's bad news. I don't know all the little things (like has it spread to other parts of my body), but I know more than I did yesterday.

I feel calmer right now. Oh wait..that's probably due to the gin martini....